I'm not okay. I hate wrestling with the pain of life at Christmas time. It's supposed to be a season of beauty and wonder, right? I dreamed about Serbia last night. It left a gnawing ache in my heart.
So many things in my life I can't heal, I can't help. I can't heal my own wounds of painful and disappointing years in ministry. I can't heal my Mom's cancer. I have so little strength to help the disabled of Serbia, whom I've come to love.
Instead of boisterous and strong this Christmas I feel sad, weak, vulnerable. I keep shoving those feelings down, I'd rather pretend I'm okay. But I'm not.
If you've read my blog you'll know that I asked God to show me his presence this Christmas season. I suppose I had expected something mysterious and beautiful. Instead, I feel broken. I didn't expect him to take me to a place of vulnerability, dependence, need; but he has.
Instead of fighting it, I'm working on embracing this hard place. It's my gift to Jesus this Christmas, acceptance and trust. I choose to let him into the broken places.
Not Okay Is Why He Came
In my weakness I'm reminded that Jesus did the same for us. He embraced vulnerability, dependence, and ultimately brokenness for our good. What kind of a God would step into our messiness? I'm thankful for his presence in a whole new way this Christmas season.
I wonder how often I've overlooked other people's pain at the holidays. It's inconvenient and messy to step into broken lives.
But Jesus has set the example and I'm trusting him to lead the way. Painful days are exactly why God wrapped himself in flesh and came to be with us! If you're hurting join me in inviting God into your painful days. If you are in a strong place look for those around you who are hurting this Christmas to show compassion and love to.
The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
the one-of-a-kind glory,
like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
true from start to finish.
I'm resting on the generosity of the God-Man who moved into our messy world, who showed up to save, I hope you are too!