Longing

Life just isn't what I had hoped. I flung that jagged statement out to Chris recently. "What do you mean", he asked. "I guess I'd hoped this world would be more like the next one than it is," I responded. To which he replied, "that doesn't make any sense." Which of course it doesn't, although maybe it does. Even as Jesus is transforming me on the inside, the outside world is still decaying. I feel fettered by time, disappointed in relationships, limited by finances. Something deep within me leaps at the hope of these words found in Romans 8:19-21, "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." What can that possibly mean, what will we be like when we're finally "revealed"?! Can you imagine the song creation will sing when it is "liberated from it's bondage"?! Colossians 2:3-4, "your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." These words echo the deep longing of my heart. You see, I don't think my soul has ever lost the deep imprint of the garden, even though I personally have never been there, it knows it was meant for something more. So maybe I should know better, that this broken, groaning world can never satisfy me, but there is part of me that's always looking for a glimpse, a clue of what's to come. Part of me feels at moments, that my heart really is somewhere else and it resents being chained to a home that's not it's own. I rebel at the limit time puts on cultivating relationships; longing for the day that hours don't matter, busyness doesn't encroach, clocks no longer rule because there is an endless supply of time. My blog title, Beck Far From Home, reflects those feelings and longings. It's not just that I am far from what I am familiar with as my earthly home. It's more that I feel distant from my true home, a place I've never been but will recognize instantly.

Years ago I had the chance to see Claude Monet's painting Water Lilies in person. I was astonished! I had seen the painting many times on calenders, prints, mugs, etc. I was unaware of the inadequacy of those reproductions. When I saw the original I was unprepared for the contrast, it took my breath away. The painting was enormous taking up a full wall in the museum, the colors richer than I imagined, the texture produced contrast and lighting only perceptible in person. I sat and stared for a long while, amazed it it's beauty. I imagine our liberated, redeemed world will be the same way. It will be familiar, identifiable in the same sense I could identify Monet's painting, I had seen it before just not in the way it was intended to be seen. I know deep inside that one day I will experience our world as I was intended to, as it was intended to be. "If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world." (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

These musings appear to have nothing to do with Christmas. However, at the heart they do. If it hadn't been for sweet Jesus coming our world could never have been set free from it's curse of sin, any more than we could have been. Just as the maiden waits in the enchanted castle to be awakened by true love, the world was sleeping under a spell waiting for it's Prince to come. And he came, full of truth and love, sacrifice and power, he came to break the curse. He burst upon the scene one silent night and nothing has ever been the same. He answers the longings.

Wonder

I watched The Nativity Story last night, or maybe I should say I cried my way through it. I've been touched by the wonder of the incarnation in a new way this year. It's left me asking so many questions.

As I watched the faces of Mary and Joseph on their journey of wonder, I felt like I was stepping into the moment as it unfolded. What emotions and fears does a young women experience as she faces the disapproval and ridicule of neighbors, friends, family? Yet in all of history she's peculiar in that she experienced the repercussions of unwed motherhood, while being innocent. How hard must that have been. Even she must have had moments of confusion and doubt while herself knowing the truth. What did the ensuing conversations with her mother, her father, Joseph look like? How does the God of the universe go about choosing a suitable mother for... himself?! Only by his unparalleled grace could she rise to such a task!

Then there's Joseph, his character must have been so strong. During the movie I think I liked watching his expressions best. You can see his face reflect his disbelief and hurt, then wonder at the truth, worry over his inadequacy, fierce determination to protect, tender love for his unusual young bride, and then the unbridled emotions of joy, relief, awe at meeting this little Savior that he would help raise. He must have wondered what it all could mean.

The birth of any baby is a transforming, mind boggling experience. But this, how can we ever begin to understand the importance of what our God did for us. Somehow, when I ponder such a mystery, I feel like my celebration of this amazing event is so inadequate. I can't fathom such determination. That God would satisfy his desire to love me by joining me in my sufferings, taking on my own guilt, turning his wrath from me to his very own darling Son. All for me, a betrayer, once his enemy. What kind of love is this? It almost frightens me when I think of it. I know it's for his own glory, but surely there are less messy and painful ways to glorify himself, apparently though this was the best.

And then there's the baby. As a mother I've sat for hours staring at the soft lips, round cheeks, delicate fan of dark lashes of my sleeping babies. Listening to the gentle sighs of their peaceful breathing, I've held my breath in wonder. Where did they come from?! How could I be so blessed. How much more miraculous and wonderful a God Child. How did he go about combining his infinite, uncontainable self with his limited, fragile creation? I will never know, but I will always be amazed. Was the Son aware of his new confinement? Did he know why he was there? Could Mary and Joseph tell there was something unusual about this baby? Or was he in appearance just like all the other babies born that night? A baby born in common circumstances, to common parents, in a common little town, yet greeted in a most uncommon way with angelic choruses, uncommon starlight, uncommon kingly visitors. What a combining of humble and glorious! Isn't that how it is for us. God takes our humble, simple selves and unites them with his holy, glorious self. And it was possible because of a baby, fully God and fully man. Wonder!

nana nana nana nana batman!

Maggie came in to the kitchen a couple of days ago saying nana nana nana nana batman! It tickled me so much and I was able to catch it on video. I don't know how she knew how to sing it, she's never watched the batman shows. I guess it's just from being Max's little sister!

Word

It pulses, warm and alive. Inviting me to open and yield myself to it's power. Is it magic? No, it's better. The Word; inspired, bread, sharp, cleansing, purifying, powerful, living word. A drink that at once quenches down to the very fiber and yet leaves a thirst stronger than before. The line between person and paper blur. The veil is pulled back and more is seen than before, the end will never be found. Power found not in letters, ink, paper but in a Person. Points to prove, arguments to win, sides to take are irrelevant. Truth is the side, choose to join or not. The invitation issued is to a death, mine; and to a life, his. Plunging in over my head I'm consumed, the word soaks in to my very soul. Words leap off of the page and come to life in my heart.

Glory

Shh... Can you hear it?! Listen closely and you'll hear the echo of a mysterious, ancient event. One that happened before time and yet at the fullness of time. Angel wings rustle and fold, voices hush in breathless anticipation. Limitless, Creator God is poised to dress in skin, to wear a human tent and walk around with his creation. His heart beat is to rescue the son's of men, his plan to show them his glory and woo them back. Mary sleeps, trusting, faithful. DNA bends again to the will of God, quietly he slips into his earthly tabernacle, indwelling flesh, indwelling Mary. Nine months later after scandal and the murmurs of anther complaining generation... a Son is born. Heaven erupts in awe and wonder! Glory! God's glory dwelling once again with man, no longer in an earthly tent made by men wandering in the desert. This time in a tent of God's own making, fulfillment, mysterious plan, flesh. John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." This Christmas lets remember the mysterious dwelling Jesus came to bring. God dwelt in human flesh so that he might dwell in us. Glory!

New Life vs. New Moon

I've never been one to avoid a controversy or been called a shrinking violet. So, I'm going to jump into a topic that has caused me some concern for a while. First let me say that God's call of holiness on my life is something that I take very seriously and I'm committed to. Let me also say that even though that's the case I struggle terribly with the human tendency to gratify my own desires, at times making excuses for my actions (just ask my husband). But I don't want to be that way. I want to draw a deep line in the sand and stand firmly on the side of holiness. For me to be successful in the pursuit of holiness there are a few things that I believe I need to do. First I need to daily open myself up to the cleansing of the word, the Holy Spirit uses the word to shine a spotlight on every area of my life that needs transformation. In times of prayer I need to be honest, with God but also with myself. I need to submit to his correction and co-operate with the work of the Holy Spirit's transformation of my heart. I also believe I need to listen to people who will point out things in my life that don't honor God or set me apart as holy. It's painful, I don't like it (once again just ask my husband), but it's so necessary if I'm going to live a righteous life. I say that because I don't want anyone reading this to think I believe I have arrived or have any right to preach a sermon I don't need to apply to myself daily. I humbly say that I want to receive correction, painful though it may be, when it's needed. Feel free in the future to remind me of these words when necessary.

So here's what is burdening my heart. I'm confused by the rush of Christians to the movie theater to see the New Moon movie. I'm even more concerned by parents allowing their kids to see the movie. I don't understand Christian's thirst for entertainment that contains sexually explicit, violent, immoral behavior much less supernaturally corrupt themes. I admit I've watched a movie or two in the last month that I regret and it has caused me to re-evaluate my standards. If a life of purity is what we as believers are striving for then I believe we have to feed ourselves a pure diet. Philippians 4:8 (NLT), "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

In Colossians Paul tells of his prayer for the believers. He is praying for them to be strong with God's power and he concludes his prayer saying, "May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins." Colossians 1:11b-14 (NLT) Can I have a hallelujah?! Talk about an exciting drama unfolding. The king gives his own perfect son so that we, impoverished beggars serving a wicked slave master, can not only have freedom but also share in the inheritance of the Son. From darkness to light, from death to life. Why look back on that dark world that was once our prison? Out of honor for God I think we should not look on evil things as entertaining. His price for purchasing us from such evil was too great.

God calls Satan our enemy, the deceiver, the father of lies. Life is not a game to him, the stakes are high. He's mean and he wants to win, he will use any means he can to deceive and destroy. 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV) says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." I've heard it said that the Twilight series is just a love story and they're not really bad vampires because they don't drink human blood. Can we be honest here and speak the truth. That flimsy excuse doesn't stand up to scripture. It's not a love story, it's a lust story. The Father of Lies would want you to think they're nice vampires, he always puts a little goodness in with his evil to make it more palatable. Evil is evil.

In Deuteronomy God is preparing his people to enter the promised land. He's giving them instructions and reminding them of who he's called them to be, a people that reflect the Most High God's holiness to the nations around them, a task not unlike our own. Deuteronomy 18:9-14 (NLT), “When you arrive in the land the Lord your God is giving you, be very careful not to imitate the detestable customs of the nations living there. For example, never sacrifice your son or daughter as a burnt offering. And do not let your people practice fortune-telling or sorcery, or allow them to interpret omens, or engage in witchcraft, or cast spells, or function as mediums or psychics, or call forth the spirits of the dead. Anyone who does these things is an object of horror and disgust to the Lord. It is because the other nations have done these detestable things that the Lord your God will drive them out ahead of you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. The nations you are about to displace consult sorcerers and fortune-tellers, but the Lord your God forbids you to do such things.” If these things, in which I think we can lump vampires and werewolves, are horrifying and disgusting to God then not only are they something we as holy people shouldn't engage in they are also things we shouldn't entertain or please ourselves with. The Holy Spirit is resident in our very beings and he is at war with all things that are unholy. Out of respect and love we shouldn't submit him to watching as we entertain ourselves with the very things he rescued us from in the first place and is seeking to destroy.

Holiness comes at a price. Our original purchase into holiness was the death of the beloved Son and our lifestyle of holiness is death to ourselves. In Ephesians 4:17-18 & 5:8-9 Paul says,"With the Lord's authority let me say this: Live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their closed minds are full of darkness...For though your hearts were once full of darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior should show it! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true."

These words are tough ones, ones I have in no way lived out to the fullest, but I want to. So, lets cast off darkness and live in the light together.

Psalm 119

I've been enjoying Psalm 119 lately. It's long and full of honest thoughts and pleadings. I feel when I read it as if I'm eavesdropping on a conversation the psalmist is having with God. An ongoing, all day or maybe even lifelong conversation. I love it because it reflects some of my own feelings and struggles as well as what I want my heart attitude to be. One of my favorite sections of this psalm is between 71-77 "The suffering you sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your principles. Your law is more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver! You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands. May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my hope in your word. I know, O Lord that your decisions are fair; you disciplined me because I needed it. Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant. Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live, for your law is my delight."

Can you honestly say today that what you delight in is God's law, his word? It isn't my natural tendency but the more time I spend in his word the more I find my delight there. Don't you hear in his writing such a humble heart. He is fully aware of his reality. He is a small (though loved) man and God is supreme. Without God's discipline, provision, mercies and commands he would self destruct, and so would I.