Exercising my Heart

The journey into the heart of God, the great Adopter, hasn't been what I expected it to be. After the initial flame of desire to adopt, I'm realizing that the journey is deeper and more intense than I anticipated. It's not time to go and pick up a baby, it's not even time to fill out paperwork, or raise money. The seed of desire has been planted and is being watered. But right now I'm in the season of preparation; learning the value of discipline, trust, practice. I'm training to run a marathon of obedience. The passion is mounting and the cost is being counted, and recounted.

I had assumed the burden was enough. When will I learn that God's ways are not my ways. When will I learn it's all about the heart and my Father is intent upon reshaping mine. Hot passion burning deep must be tempered with discipline and self-control, wisdom and understanding, submission. Jumping before looking, while very Beck like, isn't Christ like.

Part of the journey is learning to look at global and personal pain and not look away; not change the channel, so to speak. Instead I bow my heart low and say "thank you for mercy," and then pray for Mercy to reach out to the broken ones my heart chooses to see. The ones he want's me to see, because seeing is better than turning away. Turning away atrophies my heart muscle, which I'm finding has less stamina than I first thought.


I also find myself at a place of questions. Questions that need to be asked, ones that expand my heart, and open me to Jesus voice. Questions like, "What are my comfort and relative wealth for? What is God's intent in that blessing? Is it purely for my enjoyment?" or "When I go to my final home, who else will I have shown the way? Will a homeless child have learned about home from me?" or "Is hedging my bets sin, is saving for retirement or even a rainy day what God intended for my money when people are hungry right this minute?" or "What kind of sacrifices, and I use that term loosely, would God have me make to free up money for the broken and wasted of this world?" or "What is my role in speaking for those with no voice?" or "When I see pain, how will I choose to respond?"

My new prayer is; God convict my heart, show me where I harbor selfishness, give me a heart like yours. The reflection in the mirror isn't pretty. It's amazing what can be hidden under the veneer of spirituality. It's amazing how I can make myself feel better about my selfishness by measuring my life with the measuring stick of this world, instead of holding my life up to the full measure of Jesus Christ. No it isn't pretty at all.

But I'm hopeful. Hopeful because I know the vision, the dream, to offer love to an orphaned child with Down syndrome originated with God. So as discouragement at times sets in, I practice. I learn to live an ordered, holy, submitted life. I swallow the bitter pill of conviction that leads to humility and sweet grace. My family is in the preparation phase, which can't be hurried. So I practice prayer, devotion, a renewed mind, repentance, mourning, love. I practice having a Jesus heart. And one day the seed planted there will grow and bloom.

What passion or vision has God laid on your heart. Maybe right now it's only a whisper. What can you do to prepare to live in that reality?

Five Minute Friday: Awake

I love linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday's. Her words are filled with grace and the community of ladies a joy. This week's writing prompt; AWAKE:

Go:

Suddenly a voice calls across the distance into my heart. Like a trumpet blast awakening my soul. I sit bolt upright and blink my eyes, as startled as if a bucket of ice water had been splashed across my face. I didn't realize I had been sleeping but I'm utterly aware of my awakeness now.

Awake to the great Father heart whooshing in deep cosmic heart beat of parental love. Awake to the littlest ones of life that need that love, expressed to them through our heart and hands.

A blind eye was all I had previously, I chose soul sleep over the sharp burn of awake in my soul. But not now. My eyes are no longer senseless to the big pleading eyes of my little fellow orphans in life.

Now I see those hungry hearts that have never had the chance to utter that beautiful word, "Mommy." In the dark when they are afraid, no one to call mommy. In the morning longing for a warm hug, no mommy to call. For every moment of every day, no mommy. Many of them went from the hospital of their birth to the orphanage where there are not enough arms to care for them. They've never known a parent.

My heart sleeps no longer, I'm awake. Awake to the adoptive love that has transformed me, so generously given by my Father. Awake to the voices I hear with my heart, though not my ear, voices calling for love and home.

Stop

I'm sure that took me more than the allotted five minutes. I was stopped by children a couple of times and lost track!

This is the work God is doing in my heart. To know my own adoption and the price that was paid for me and then translate that into the language of compassion for others. To see with love, but more than that, respond. I'm still such a toddler and the words and behaviors garbled and unnatural. But I'm sensing the delight of my Father as I look to him to learn, to watch what he does and mimic it.

What has God awakened your heart to lately? Are you learning new truths?

The Father's heart

Things have been quiet around here. The kids and I have nestled down, enjoying rainy days inside together as I nurse a cold. I'm thankful for the quiet time, time for resting, pondering, praying.

Have you ever noticed when something has been drawn to your attention and weighs heavily on your mind it crops up everywhere you look? I've experienced that lately.

I have to confess my annoyance over certain passages in the bible in the past. I'd explain them away or ignore them all together. Perhaps I wasn't mature enough to understand or respond, I should have acknowledged my shortcoming but I argued instead.

One such passage is James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Certainly "look after" doesn't necessarily mean adopt, there are many ways to be involved in caring for the needy. But I'm learning the closer we come to a need, the more we identify with another's brokenness, the more our hearts are changed. 

Instead of arguing I'm learning. I'm learning caring for orphan's isn't a burden, it's a gift. In seeing ourselves as the spiritual orphans we were compassion flows from a grateful heart. I'm learning that the truth of adoption is at the heart of the gospel and is the underlying message of more scripture than I had realized. I'm learning that partnering with Jesus in faith is always better than arguing with him and protecting our own self interest. Scary stuff!

What has God laid on your heart lately? Are you fighting him or joining him? Praise God for his patience and faithfulness as we learn to listen to his voice!

Five Minute Friday: Connection

It's time to link up with the Gypsy Mama, today we're writing for five minutes on; Connected. 

Go

On the other side of the world are small children without home and comfort, with needs and hopes. Far across oceans and land, waits an orphan that I long to hear call me mama. Their eyes are tilted almonds, their bodies flexible, their little minds challenged, some with heart problems and tummy problems. Down syndrome beauties. 

Between these little hearts and my fast beating one stretches a cord of supernatural love, connecting us. A cord of prayer, a cord of hope, a cord of life. 

The connecting cord holds strong, not because of my flimsy, stary-eyed love. But because of the great, pumping, rhythmic beat of cosmic Love's song. Sung over you, sung over me. And I'm beginning to see it, our Father's love is so deep and wide, so vast, as to embrace the tiny broken victims, the care givers who don't care, and people like me who for years have walked in calloused oblivion.

"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Can you hear his song, singing over you, singing over the orphan, the drug addict, the movie star, the politician, the world? His heart connects us in our great need, in his great love.

Stop 

Chris and I have begun exploring the possibility of international adoption. When I began thinking about adoption months ago I had imagined in-state adoption, due to cost and practicality. However, my heart longs to adopt a child with Down syndrome (DS) and honestly they are hard to adopt in America. The reason being that in America prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome typically results in abortion or the family chooses to keep the baby. There are waiting lists in America for a DS baby. In Eastern European countries children with Down syndrome are routinely placed in orphanages at birth, they are available and needy now.

This is a God sized task, but one I feel him calling us to. To obey we will need help; prayer, funds, support and encouragement. Will you join us now in praying? We would love your prayer for God's direction and confidence in this matter. We will need a new vehicle as our family grows. And of course there's the cost, which is substantial. I'm excited to see God's provision as he answers prayer and gets the glory for rescuing a precious little one! 

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

Psalm 68:5-6, "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows - this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy."