And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6
As I spend these last few days before our trip to Serbia I find myself in a flurry of activity and emotion. Nichole and I leave in 8 days! I've started a few blog posts but they've gone unfinished. I'm unable to find adequate words to express what I'm feeling and what God is teaching.
I'm distracted and busy, focused on educating children, navigating church life well, and thinking through the details of foreign travel. I wish I could take out my heart and up end it on the page, dumping out it's contents like so much clutter and sort through the mess, like I do when my purse gets too full. But I don't really know where to start.
I wish I could write eloquently about faith and the mind boggling truths I'm learning. The truth of Hebrews that makes me question if chapter 11 is really meant to be a hall of fame or if it's mean to be a pattern for all believers to live by. If faith that clings to promises, stares down kings and lions, recons this life worthless compared to the next, and strikes out in search of God's glory and goodness isn't meant to be the norm instead of the exception.
I want to write about anticipation that is holy and hushed as I get ready for the most awesome journey of my life. But instead I'm a frazzled mama who realizes saying goodbye to dear ones at home is going to be harder than she realized. I'd like to say I feel fearless, ready to strike out boldly, but all of a sudden I remember how much I truly loath flying. I guess going in obedience doesn't have to be pretty and perfect, I just have to go and trust that in the going God will make something beautiful of it all. Honestly I doubt a lesser reason than seeing these broken ones would compel me to fly over the ocean, crammed into a metal tube for hours. Just the thought of it turns my insides squiggly.
I imagine Jesus didn't relish the pain of the cross, Moses didn't always enjoy the tedious leading of a rebellious people, Joseph didn't find pleasure in false accusations. The point is they loved something, someone, more than their own comfort. All be it brokenly and haltingly I'm learning to as well.
I love that Exodus and Hebrews tell us that when Moses had intimate faith to ask to see God's glory, God responded. He responded not by revealing his creative power, or judgement, or holy fire. God revealed his mercy. I'm taking that to heart and as I go I'm asking to see God's glory. Moses' example teaches me to ask for God's glory too, he is always eager to display his mercy and for his children to follow suit and show mercy too.
So I leave in 8 days, trusting in the promises that God's mercy is new every morning, that he gives power to his children to love the brokenhearted, that God draws near to all who seek him. I would love your prayers as I say goodbye at home and set out for the unknown. God has so faithfully provided materially for this trip, now I'm trusting him to provide his very presence for the journey.
What promise of God's do you believe that changes the way you live?