How Could I Have Known

I find myself breathless, surrounded by laundry, suitcases, and to do lists. If I knew then what I know now I wonder if I would have risked praying a reckless prayer of abandon. It was easy to pray at the time, from my comfortable bedroom, surrounded by love and hope. "God, show me your heart, teach me what you love, show me what makes you grieve."

How could I have known how seriously he would take that request. I should have known, nothing delights the Father's heart like intimacy, a child drawing near to know and be known. He leaned in and whispered, "redemption." Painting in broad brush strokes he showed vividly my own adoption, once a black-hearted enemy, now a beloved child. 

Why would I think the privilege of knowing infinite love wouldn't come without risk or response? If I had known then that I would be boarding an airplane to fly for hours to a country I don't know, would I have asked the question? Maybe had I known the amazing panorama having Holy Spirit eyes would open up, I would have asked earlier. 

Seeing the suffering of others is overwhelming. I'm counting on a couple of things to keep me from drowning in the pain of other people's loss. I'm not responsible for their pain, I can't take responsibility for their situation or their rescue. It's God that takes responsibility for the orphan and outcast, but he has issued an invitation to his people to participate in the rescue of the lost and broken. That's where you and I fit, in the crook of his heart, the bend of mercy and suffering. He provides the power,the motivation, the mercy. I join in. 

I'm also counting on his love. I don't doubt it, can't be separated from it, that cosmic heartbeat beating for his little ones. I'm counting on his real, bloody love extended to me and extended to the man huddled alone locked in filth and disconnected from reality. I'm counting on the love that upholds me, to heal the child living so deprived of human contact that they are actually afraid of people and of being touched. I believe it's real, a love strong enough to right every wrong. It's the only way I can willingly get on an airplane and fly directly into the darkness.

I'm also seeing Ephesians 2 lift itself off the page into real life. People, living stones, joined together by the same Spirit of love and power. Connecting to form the real life hands and feet, the very body, of Jesus. How could I ever go alone? But I'm not, the Holy Spirit in you connects to the Holy Spirit in me and together we lift a gift of love up to heaven on behalf of our precious Jesus. Every prayer prayed, every gift given, every encouraging word spoken, every hope spilled out links our hearts together and bears fruit. I'm witnessing it and I can't wait to tell you all about the impact it will have on the very least of humanity!

I will try to update here and on facebook as I travel. I'm not sure if I'll be allowed to post pictures of children or not, but I will warn you in the heading if the images are painful and I won't post them directly to facebook. Thank you friends for going with me!

{I'm linking with my friend Ellen for her Writing Prompt on Monday's. Today's prompt, If I Knew Then What I Knew Now. Ellen has been an integral part of my journey to Serbia.}