Here I am, once again, asking God, "where is my home." And once again I feel far away from it. Sadly in this season my children have joined in asking the question. Each morning I've pressed in and pushed through to align my heart with God's, to have my heart attuned to his. At first my feelings haven't believed the truth, sometimes it takes them a while to get on board. Unfortunately a pity party always delays the process!
But this morning I heard his voice sweet and clear. "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him," Psalm 91:1-2. As always far or near, on earth or in eternity, the arms of Jesus are my true dwelling place. I have the opportunity to teach my children this truth and I want them to learn to be unashamed of their alien status in this world. We're living on a green card and waiting for our permanent citizenship in another time and place.
I also heard my bridegrooms promise and invitation in this song and it brought tears to my eyes. I believe he awaits our homecoming with as much anticipation as we do. Only his perspective is a vastly different one. I don't think it was conscious but I think I have assumed my desire for home was one sided. In this season though I've come to believe the desire for reunion burns in the Father, Son and Spirit's heart as well.
So whether God gives me a permanent dwelling to call my own on this earth or if we have to wait a while longer to find our place of belonging or even if he moves us to our own home and ministry quickly, I am not home yet. Not until I stand before his throne and "see his face" and his name is etched indelibly upon my forehead will I experience that long sigh of permanent relief that I have finally walked through the door to my home (Rev 22:4). Oh how I long for that day! I've been fighting the longing, that deep ache, but today I embrace it as a call to press in to the heart of my true Love.