Thursday, June 3, 2010
A song in the dark
My body is once again undependable and feeling the effects of it's fallen, temporary home. Since April I've felt the pull on my body of disease. But in the last week or so it's ever present and beginning to be debilitating. This week I've felt the choking burn of tears hovering near the surface and the nagging pull of fear. As I was talking to Jesus about these concerns, asking for his provision, teaching, empowering, I heard him so sweetly say, worship me. And I did.
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
"Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
"Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 11:33-12:2
As the songs "Be Near" and "I Belong" played I poured it out; my worship, my trust, my need, my desire for him, my love as an act of faith and adoration. I felt like the woman anointing Jesus feet with perfume, weeping and kissing those precious feet that came in search of me. And I knew that it was the Son who had drawn me to worship and the Spirit that had ignited the desire and ability to worship and the Father that had provided EVERYTHING I needed to worship him in the first place. I am completely aware that even worship is something I can't give him on own. And even as I worshiped he gave to me; peace, joy, rest.
He has constantly prepared me to worship. Over the course of the last week he has brought my mind back to timely truths, in his word, from a wise author, a song of praise. What a privilege it is to worship him. Worshiping God doesn't change God, he's always worthy, but it does change me. Trusting him in the dark and telling him so blesses his heart and confirms my faith, it strengthens our bond. Is it too much for him to ask for my body, my health? No! He can have it all.