Motherhood

Life is constantly changing, there are very few things that seem truly eternal. At this moment though, motherhood is one of those things. Will my toddler always scream for what she wants? How many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches can one person make in a lifetime? I'm pretty sure that at some point the incessant chatter of a kindergartner will in fact cause my ears to fall slap off my head. Some days my world feels defined by four walls, small two bedroom apartment walls. It's sad when you actually put jewelry on to go to story hour at the library because that constitutes 'going out'. Motherhood is a confining time in life, especially for the stay at home mom. You constantly work around nap time, food likes and dislikes, bed time, potty accessibility, little attention spans. It's easy to feel left behind by husbands and friends, someone's gotta stay home with little sleepy heads.
Even so, I know that just as in every area of life, motherhood offers the opportunity to practice holiness. I pretty much blew that opportunity today. I didn't treat Max with the compassion and patience he deserves as a fellow child of God. Sad. I missed moments to cherish those dirty, noisy little treasures. Motherhood is the perfect chance to die to self, but self doesn't willingly lie down and die, at least my self doesn't. In the midst of limits and confinements I'm reminded of Philippians 2:5-8 "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross." Talk about limits! All powerful God chose to limit himself to a small planet, in a small body, to die, for me. When I look at things that way I realize what a privilege it is to 'limit' myself so that I can better serve needy little people. He showed me the way, he provides the power, I need only to obey.

sunny days

Max and Maggie soaking up some of the last warm sunny weather of the year.

Max creating a dinosaur 'habitat'

Maggie loves being outside

We don't have many more warm days left, so we're trying to make the most of them while we can. Maggie would stay outside all day if she could and if I had a fenced yard I'd let her. Hopefully when my mom gets here we can do a little exploring, I'd like to find a moose this fall!

Happy Anniversary!

At our Ohio reception

I met Chris Gambill when I was 19 years old. I noticed him because he looked like somebody who was somebody. He was the president of student government at our college at the time. Chris always walked quickly like he was going somewhere important, dressed sharp, and was a senior. I was impressed. I made sure I was introduced through a mutual friend and put myself directly in his path. I've never been shy.

Eleven years later I've learned a thing or two about life and relationships. I think one reason I was attracted to Chris was because he was successful, capable, talented. Every woman wants security and safety, we're drawn to the promise of being cared for. You know what I found out though? Chris is a man. And like all men, he has limitations. I really think the expectation of some young women, me included, is that the white night is an immortal hero that really does exist and we actually expect to marry him. Needles to say the first year was turbulent. I learned something really important through that discovery though, Jesus is our perfect hero and he can deliver, which is what he wanted me to know all along.

In the years I've been married I've continued to learn right expectations about God and Chris. Setting your husband up to fill the shoes of God is wrong and painful but I have a feeling it happens to us wives more often than we'd care to admit. Putting the balance back the way it belongs is liberating to us and our husbands. As much as an immortal hero may be appealing, a real man is a much better fit.

Chris walks a little slower now, wears bluejeans and has a real job. I'm still impressed. I'm honored to have shared this journey of discovery with him for so many years. I've seen him at his worst and his best and he's seen me through more than I can tell. He may not always feel like it but I still think he's successful, capable and talented. I'm filled with gratitude to have married my first love. I never imagined I would learn so much about God through one person, or so much about myself. Who knows what the next eleven years and beyond will hold!

How glorious is Your love!

This song moved me so much when I heard it today. "You bought our freedom on the cross"! How can I not dance a victory dance. What's my freedom for though? I don't want it, I give it back to you Jesus, I'd rather be your slave. And yet, who knew that bondage to Jesus is infinite freedom and more it's glory, power, love, a height I could never reach on my own if I tried for eternity. "How glorious is your love, if I could sing forever it's not enough to say... how glorious." "Your grace has broken every chain, my sins are gone, my debts been paid" What a song! I could weep. Who am I? Nothing, absolutely nothing, to deserve such notice... and yet those precious eyes. Crinkled at the corner with joy, full of deep mysteries I will never know, brimming with compassion, those eyes turned their gaze on me, ahhh.

When those eyes look into yours and he asks any request of you, could you deny him? I'm finding I can't. I don't want to, I'm so desperately in love. I'm so poor I have nothing to lay at his feet, except my trembling, flinching will. I'm inconstant, childish, vain. I know I disappoint him every day. But today I want with all my heart not to. I want those precious, penetrating eyes to look deeply into mine and see the eyes of a child, trusting, unquestioning, adoring.

Tea Time

Violet tea cup from my mom for my birthday

One of my most treasured possessions ~ Pink Willow tea set

It's starting to feel like fall here, especially the crisp, chilly mornings.The perfect weather for a warm drink in the morning. I love my red tea set from my mom and starting the day with a pot of my favorite tea. I haven't used it for the weeks of summer but now that the weather is changing I'm anticipating steamy pots of wonderful tea. My mom will be here in a couple of weeks and I am so looking forward to sharing the morning, and often afternoon, ritual of tea.

Dirt

What is it about boys and dirt and rocks?! We have a dirt/rock pile across the street from our house that Max has discovered. He loves crawling around in the dirt and throwing rocks. He's so dirty when he's done, covered with a fine layer of gritty dirt from his hair to his feet!