I've been reading through a favorite book of mine lately, "Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ". Actually I'm using it in the teen girls life group I lead. It had a profound impact on me a few years ago when I first read it and it is blessing me as I read it again. In this book, John Piper says that "Seeing and savoring [the glory of Jesus] is the goal of our salvation." He says that Christ is glorious so that we can be satisfied, nothing less than his glory will do. I must confess that all too often I think I would be satisfied with far less. I long for, reach for, pursue things that can't and don't satisfy. My heart is restless and that is because it is not at rest in him. Why, why, why can't I get it right. Why do I learn this lesson over and over again. One of my favorite hymns is Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, in it is the line "Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee." I so feel that way, his goodness is compelling but truly unless he chains me to himself I will wander. I know that any good in my life has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. If his love didn't pursue me, if I wasn't the object of his affection I wouldn't, couldn't love him on my own.
In my ladies Bible study this week we were in Hebrews chapter 11. What a fabulous chapter that is; a list of prostitutes and murderers, liars and fools turned into a list of the most faithful. I'm embarrassed to say that as a girl I had illusions of a faith that would go down in history, I was going to do great deeds and if I was lucky maybe even be martyred, I would inspire thousands and be heroic in all that I did for Jesus. Oh my. Now my desire is to have a faith that works and gets me and my obscure little life from here to eternity. I mostly don't want it to give out along the way and I would be thrilled if it actually grew in the process. The longer I live and the more I see of Jesus the more aware I am that I'm wretched and the more wretched I am the more I know I need him. And I'm glad I need him, I'm glad it's all about him and not about me, what a relief.
I've felt my far awayness from home so much lately. Both my earthly and eternal home. The more I miss my physical home the more I realize that nothing, NOTHING, NOTHING, satisfies but Jesus. Living in Cody is an almost daily sacrifice and a laying down my life for him. The loss I feel from not being close to family is deep. But then I come back to the faith that all will be restored in eternity. I don't know how he'll do it but I believe he will restore all that has been lost. How else can broken people live in this world with any hope at all. But then, you know even if it wasn't restored it doesn't matter. After all he's God and I need him, he can ask what ever he wants of me, he has the right. That he shares with me his glory, his love, his character, his thoughts, his son is enough.