What I learned about God's love from a Gay Stranger

The day I picked a young gay man up on the side of the road changed my life. After a half hour ride and an honest conversation I learned something about myself. I was holding on to more spiritual pride than I realized. I also learned something about God. His love can't be quantified and limited the way we as human's try.

The hunger that poured from this young man's lips caused my heart to twist uncomfortably in my chest. The days leading up to our meeting had prepared me to hear what God was trying to teach me. This young man, struggling with his identity and place in life, wasn't an object of pity, he wasn't disgusting, he wasn't an evil to be avoided.

He was the beloved.

That evening, as I processed the conversation we had had, my heart was gripped with the realization that God had brought me into this young man's path as a witness. I could sense the love God was pouring out over his wounded life, the way he was meeting him, calling out to him. God hadn't introduced me to him to set him straight or hone my apologetic skills. God wanted me to stand in wonder at his undaunted love for all of humanity, each person, each one.

I have never been the same since meeting the stranger. He's not a stranger anymore though, I consider him a friend. 

This year I've stood in hurricane force winds, arms and mouth flung open wide in the face of our Father's current of mercy. How can I be the religious zealot, the closet pharisee I was in the past with the display of mercy God has put on in front of my eyes. Or maybe it's that he opened my eyes to the merciful dance he has always been spinning. 

Either way, I can't get my thirst quenched. I want more. I dream bigger, risk more, wrestle my own pride more viciously. 

As the mercy washes over me I'm beginning to lose my appetite for arguing over agenda's and groups of people, conditions and ideologies. A conversation with a stranger changed my perspective, I refuse to point fingers anymore. I prefer to deal in the economy of hearts, and mercy, and love, and who am I. 

I've struggled with spiritual pride my whole life. Only recently have I come to realize that at the core pride is a desire to be worshiped. Considering that reality it seems absurd  that I point out the obvious brokenness and sin of other people, of the insanity of the whole world. That's an argument no one can win.

I love holiness. I believe we were created for order, right perspective, pure relationships, and an understanding of God's sole possession of truth. I believe we were created to live holy lives, drawing others to God. My view of holiness hasn't changed, my view of who is responsible for my holiness has. The best way to display holiness is through serving, not arguing, condemning, or comparing anyone's life to our own.

God's economy of love, this season of mercy, his bending in grace is beyond what I can fathom. But one thing I've learned is not to get in his way. He will have mercy on whom he chooses and extend blessing for generations. Judgement rests with him alone. I can only stand back in wonder!

Some days the world seems mad. In Jesus face I find the answer to the madness. Wherever I can, whenever I can I choose to live in the answer. Mercy for me and mercy for you.

This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. John 3:16-17 The Message

A Truth I Live By ~ Together

Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit. Ephesians 2:20-21

It's hard to have favorites in a work of excellence and beauty, but I would have to say Ephesians is a favorite of mine. God's plan for his people sweeps out in brush strokes that are both intimate and grand. 

How are we made right with the Living God? Through his ancient plan of shed blood for you and me. How are we made holy and fit for eternal union with him? Through the power of his Spirit alive in us. How do we live a life of meaning and power, fulfilling all he intended us to be? Together. 

There is no way around it. Your story, my story, our spiritual maturity are all wrapped up together. People who say they don't need to go to church to know God, and worship him just as well out in the forest haven't read Ephesians. That is not God's plan for his people.

But let's face it. We drive each other crazy. At least sometimes. Is this the only way to have the full empowering of the Holy Spirit? As a community of faith walkers? I believe it is. 

This passage in Ephesians hearkens back to another temple. In the old testament God's glory, his empowering presence dwelt with man, first in the tabernacle and then the temple. His presence was evident, palpable, undeniable, bringing glory to himself and favor to his people. 

That same powerful presence is available to us as well. Certainly the Holy Spirit indwells us individually, but to stop there would be to fall short of God's plan and full blessing. How do we know the fullness of God? How do we see God from every angle and know the rich textures of his character? How are we connected to Jesus, the cornerstone? By being connected with each other.

This is a truth I live by. When the crabby older lady criticizes my parenting, when the pastor's words convict, when relationships challenge my cool, I remember God would have me know him more deeply and become more holy by being connected to them. Being connected to those growing in faith, those who are younger, those who are hurting or confused, those with stronger faith that hold me accountable, is good for both my faith and theirs. 

Of course it's not all difficult, there are plenty of sweet moments, breathtaking aha moments, Holy Spirit resonating moments too as we share our hearts and lives together. Is it challenging to live "joined together"? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Beyond question!

He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love. Ephesians 4:16

So do your part! Let's work together and see the fullness of God dwelling in us so that we are full of love.

{I'm linking up with Ellen Stumbo, whom I am excited to be connected to in faith, for her Monday writing prompt.}

Jesus Bugs Me, the Cure for a Wicked Heart

"Yes Jesus bugs me, yes Jesus bugs me, yes Jesus bugs me the Bible tells me so," sings my four year old Maggie lately. I chuckle to myself over her misunderstanding or perhaps her interpretation of the children's classic. Her perspective sheds light on some pretty sketchy behavior and I think she speaks for others when she claims, "yes Jesus bugs me." Jesus bugs us in different ways. Some are bugged by his insistence that he in fact is in charge, I have a feeling Maggie falls into this category. Others are bugged by his altogether uniqueness, they're bewitched, can't get enough of him, he gets under their skin.

Last week I was reading Psalm 1 to the kids at breakfast.  

Oh, the joys of those who do not    follow the advice of the wicked,   or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. Psalm 1:1

I hadn't even made it passed verse one when Maggie jumps in, "I like being wicked." Taken back I wasn't quite sure what to say. Chris had come into the kitchen in time to hear his littlest pk (pastor's kid) make that charming statement. "What does wicked mean?" he asked Maggie. I'm sure he was hoping to clarify her misunderstanding of the word. No such luck. Without missing a beat she answered, "to be bad." Well, she has a good vocabulary.

We took a moment to help her understand that it was entirely her choice to be good or wicked. She just needed to be aware of the consequences, which we explained. Her brother was horrified that she would want to be wicked, which is a heart reflection, he wants to please Jesus and his parents. Jesus has gotten under his skin. Maggie is not encumbered by such desires. We told her that her family loves Jesus and wants to please him, while she lives with us she will be required to do what is right, the above mentioned consequences will ensure her compliance, but ultimately the issue comes down to her heart.

Her confession is honest. Most people should be so candid. I think her statement is a reflection of the human condition. Unless we respond to Jesus' love and come to the place of willingly submitting to his authority we're like Maggie, free to choose wickedness, and apt to, we just need to be aware of the consequences.

We've all had moments when we "like being wicked." But when Jesus bugs us, gets under our skin, in a good way we will begin to love being righteous more. Until that time we're free to be wicked we just need to be aware of the consequences.

For the Lord watches over the path of the godly,  but the path of the wicked leads to destruction. Psalm 1:6

I pray for my little girl, that Jesus would "bug her", he's the cure for a wicked heart. I pray he would get under her skin and mold her to his likeness, I pray that for myself as well. I trust that in time she will come to prefer the joys and blessings of a godly life. 

Let's make that our prayer today for those around us who are choosing wickedness, that the consequences will lead them to grace. And for our own hearts that Jesus would bug us, would get under our skin, molding us more to his likeness every day.

Just A Man

I saw something yesterday that I can't shake. It's niggling me. I saw a man. Let me explain. I watched a speech by President Obama. Now, before you start stepping onto your band wagon or soap box, sit back down, this isn't one of those posts.

No I didn't see a demon or a savior, as he is so often painted. I saw a man. A man with tired eyes, graying hair, and a flat voice. I could be wrong but it appeared to me I saw a man loosing heart. A man who has been fighting a battle far bigger than himself for longer than he has the resources or energy.

Ideologically I don't agree with President Obama. Actually when he was elected, to be honest, I flipped out. But I'm not flipping out anymore and quite frankly I have little interest in elections and politics and such. Not because I'm embittered more because I'm liberated. Living in the Kingdom of God here and now, destined for the Kingdom of God later, is perspective changing.

Previously, I saw President Obama as the enemy. But I don't anymore. He's not our enemy. Our own hate is. If we have been born into the family of God through the sacrifice of Jesus and power of the Holy Spirit we have very few enemies. Death isn't our enemy, it's been defeated; people aren't our enemy, God is greater; circumstances aren't our enemy, they are temporary.

No, our greatest enemy is our own self. Our own pride, lust, fear, or indifference; they are the enemy of intimacy with God. Not the president. 

And yet I see sound bites and words flying across the internet and hear conversations that drip with vitriol and disdain. But the president shouldn't be our enemy. He should be the focus of our prayers and compassion. We all want a scape goat, and President Obama is a natural target, but he's the wrong one. No one person ruins a country. We all have.

I think there is enough gluttony, self-centeredness, apathy, and prayerlessness to go around for us to all indulge in a little humility and repentance. What concerns me is our pride. How can we speak about grace for others but not offer it to the president, as if he's too bad for it? But God says he expects something different from his children.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God... rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.... Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:1,8,12

If we are raised in rebirth with Jesus Christ our real life is in him, and his leadership is unshakable no matter who is president. Fear is improper for people living in the reality of eternity. Malicious, hateful words have no place in our speech, they are a denial of our birthright of grace. I have no doubt God meant that applies to all people we speak to or about, from our children to our president. If we join in the mudslinging debate we are wallowing in the filth of this world. Clothing ourselves in compassion, humility and gentleness lifts us above that mess.

Yesterday, for the first time, I saw a man. And I repented from my slander and hate. I prayed for compassion and kind eyes. And I prayed that I, and my brothers and sisters, would do my part in the reformation of society. Not by yelling at the unrighteous but by living in bold conviction and authentic love. 

It is our duty to speak up for the unborn, the poor, the disabled. It's also our responsibility to care for them. It's not our duty or right to turn that love for the needy into hate for others. Certainly we can speak about what is good and right for all people without ungracious words for someone else. 

If God had treated us with the gracelessness we have a tendency to treat others with, when we were dead in our sin, what hope would we have had? I'm thankful he's not like us but that we can become like him. I invite you. Look and see a man. A man that needs grace, just like you. 

Living Under the Name

As a child I lived under names. My mom had painted the names of God over some of the doorways of our home. This week I'm painting God's name over the doorways of ours. His names aren't meant to be a talisman to ward off evil. In and of themselves the letters have no power. The meaning is found in a submitted heart, an attitude, in trust. God's many names reflect his flawless character. His names painted over our doorways are a reminder that it's his authority that our family lives under. It's a way to teach my children who God is and that we're serious about his leadership in our lives. Here are the meanings of the names of God that are gracing our home:

JEHOVAH~JIREH
The Lord our Provider or the Lord will Provide. In Genesis 22 Abraham obeyed God and prepared to sacrifice his only son, God intervened and provided a ram. Abraham named the place of salvation Jehovah Jireh. This event was a foreshadowing of the Lamb, the only Son, that would be provided for our salvation. In scripture the name Jehovah Jireh is used only once; God is firmly establishing himself as the provider of our salvation. If God hasn't spared his only Son, is there anything he will withhold for the good of his own? I pray my children know God's nature as their generous provider. (Genesis22:14)

JEHOVAH~SHAMMAH
The Lord is There or the Lord is Present. In Ezekiel 48 the prophet describes the restoration of Jerusalem and the temple. He speaks of the time when God's glory will come to stay permanently, dwelling forever with his people. The Holy Spirit dwelling in us is our deposit, sealing us until the time of the fulfillment of God's promised earthly dwelling. I pray my children know God's presence with us now and look forward to the time he will live with us in perfect completion, for eternity. (Ezekiel  48:35)

JEHOVAH~SHALOM
The Lord is Peace. In Judges 6 The angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon. An oppressed Jew, the weakest in his family, from the weakest clan in Manasseh. The Lord called this weak one out to save his people from ungodly oppressors. God made himself known as the God of peace, his strength overcoming weakness to bring honor to his name. I pray my children know that it's only under God's rule as Lord that his children have peace. (Judges 6:24)

JEHOVAH~SABAOTH
The Lord of Hosts or the Lord of Powers. In 1 Samuel 1 Hannah is praying for a son, a blessing from God. She addresses him as Lord of Hosts, of all heaven's armies, of all powers. God grants her request. He honors her further by giving her not just a son, but a son who becomes a faithful follower and influential leader. God is powerful and has all authority to accomplish his purposes. I pray my children live submitted to his authority, knowing his power, and are devoted to his glory above everything else. (1 Samuel 1:3)

JEHOVAH~MEKODDISHKEM
The Lord Who Makes You Holy or the Lord Who Sets You Apart. In Exodus 31 God is establishing the Israelites as his people. He puts in place laws, specifically the observance of the Sabbath. Meant to testify to all the earth his covenant with Israel, the people he is making his holy possession. The context may seem harsh, whoever broke the law of Sabbath was put to death, but it reveals how serious God is about his people's holiness. I pray my children see themselves as God's possession, set apart to glorify him alone. (Exodus 31:13)

JEHOVAH~NISSI
The Lord My Banner. In Exodus 17 the Amalekites attacked Israel. Moses stood on the hilltop above the battle, arms upheld, while Joshua and the troops fought. The Israelites were victorious and the place was called the Lord is my Banner. God doesn't choose sides, and Moses knew it. God is truth and invites us to align ourselves with him, to come under his banner. I pray that my children will follow God in battle, knowing him as the one who fights for them and wins the victory. (Exodus 17:15)

JEHOVAH~ROHI
The Lord My Shepherd. In Genesis 48 Jacob, now called Israel, is old and dieing. As he is blessing his grandson's he recalls God's faithful guidance of Abraham and Isaac. He calls on God, who has "been [his] shepherd all of [his] life", to bless and prosper them. God is not a distant, unknowable God. He walks gently and faithfully with his people. I pray my children are aware of God shepherding and guiding them until the end of their lives. (Genesis 48:15)

EL SHADDAI
All-Sufficient One. In Genesis 17 God is establishing his covenant with Abram. The covenant God called Abram to was one that only God could fulfill. God set the terms of his covenant, his relationship with man, and he is mighty enough to carry those terms out on his own. It is up to us to come to God according to his requirements, it may seem harsh, but God knows our true satisfaction is found nowhere else. The one request? A circumcised heart, dieing to self and living by his Spirit. The benefit far out weighs the cost of laying down our own will. I pray God establishes his covenant of grace with my children, that they wholeheartedly submit to his terms, and live satisfied by his love.
(Genesis 17:1)

We only receive God's nature expressed to us if we bow, submitting to his lordship over us. God does not sprinkle the benefits of his nature over our lives like fairy dust at our whim. If God's zealousness for his own glory doesn't make you tremble a bit, then I wonder if the God you worship is the holy God of the bible or one made in your own image. Studying God's names has reignited reverent fear and worship in my heart and even more gratitude that a God so fierce in power and holiness, untamed by any man, would stoop in such humble affection.

Do you live under the name and character of God? How do you teach your children the nature of the God you worship? Confession and surrender are gifts God has given us to establish a right union with him and unlock unimaginable grace. Let's ask God to convict us for making him into our image, a safer more manageable God, and ask him to take his rightful place of reigning King in our lives once again!

Linking with my friends at:

A Pure Promise

The Lord’s promises are pure like silver, refined in a furnace, purified seven times over. Psalm 12:6

I read this passage several days ago. Ever since it has clung to me, I can't shake it. Certainly I've read many verses on God's faithfulness, testifying he is a promise keeper, declaring his goodness and trustworthiness. But I can't recall a verse quite like this.

Could it be a reminder that what God promises us, and then fulfills, is uncontaminated by us? How many times have we sought from God what we believed was good? Yet our hearts and desires aren't naturally pure. Not until they have been refined by the Holy Spirit, learning to beat in time with his, and let's face it that can be a long process.

I'm holding onto a lot of promises in my life right now. Promises God has made, to provide for my family's needs, to extend his righteous favor to my children, to establish my feet on firm ground, to work good in my life. I am comforted that God is not only faithful to keep his promises, but he has assured they are pure. We can have faith in his promises, they are far better than what we can even ask for. What a wonderful Father. 

What are you hoping in God for, what has he promised you?

Holy eyes

Eyes to see the holy, the truly good, God in every moment, are hard to come by. Isn't every moment a fight for our eyes, will we see what we're dissatisfied with, what offends. Or will we lift our heads and turn our eyes, beholding Him. So hard. So worth it. I stepped outside last night for no reason, turned the corner, and encountered a burning bush, a blazing night sky. God wants our attention, calls out our names, he will give holy seeing eyes to those who ask and press in to see. So hard.

In the midst of regulation, rebellious people, idolatry, doubt, a dessert, Moses asked and was given new eyes to see beyond; and so might we be, if we ask. "Then the Lord came down in a cloud and stood there with him; and he called out his own name, Yahweh. The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, "Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion and sin. But I do not excuse the guilty. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren; the entire family is affected - even children in the third and fourth generations." Moses immediately threw himself to the ground and worshiped. And he said, "O Lord, if it is true that I have found favor with you, then please travel with us. Yes, this is a stubborn and rebellious people, but please forgive our iniquity and our sins. Claim us as your own special possession. The Lord replied, "Listen, I am making a covenant with you in the presence of all your people. I will perform miracles that have never been performed before anywhere in all the earth or in any nation. And all the people around you will see the power of the Lord - the awesome power I will display for you." Exodus 34:5-10

Aren't we often stubborn and rebellious people, but claimed. Claimed by mercy and forgiveness. He's made a covenant with us, a new covenant born of blood and we have seen His glory "the glory of the one and only Son," (John 1). But not everyone sees His glory, so many have missed the Son. Many see no grace, only ugly. Let's not be among the ones who see only the curse, let's lift our eyes and see God, in every moment, traveling with us.

How have you lifted your eyes above the pain and ugly in this world and seen God calling out his name to you?

Nobody likes a spanking

"And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,
   “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
      and don’t give up when he corrects you.
   For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
      and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong." Hebrews 12:5-6, 11-13

Encouraging eh, ask any 7 year old if they feel encouraged after having been "instructed" in the ways of obedience with a spoon to the back side. May not be their first response. And yet I've seen in my 7 year old, Max, a surprising willingness to co-operate with our discipline lately. We're working on some areas of self-control at the moment, which have needed regular correction.

He's tired of the continued discipline I'm sure, I know I am. But I'm looking forward to "a peaceful harvest of right living" once he's been "trained". Right now the lack of training has resulted in a lack of peace for the whole household. In submitting to our discipline there is growth in his understanding of right behavior.

Isn't that true of us in the body of Christ. How we endure discipline, teaching, correcting affects the whole family. How we live our lives as trained, disciplined children of God affects the "weak and lame" who are following after us. If we're honest, which of us isn't weak or lame in some way, we need each other to be muscular, well trained Christians.

Are there areas of your life that have gone untrained, that God would like to correct as your Father? I know there are some in my life. Can you see how those area's affect those in your physical or spiritual family? I plan to spend time today asking God to reveal the spiritual flab in my life and then yield to him for training. Will you join me?

The Heart

Hearts. They are dangerous, messy, wild, unpredictable things. What are we to do with them? How can they ever be tamed, I know I can't curb mine on my own. I've been going through Colossians with my girls Life Group recently. Colossians 3:1-4 says "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." In the previous verses Paul talks about the rules and traditions we use that "lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." We need more than rules to tame our hearts, it's going to take something much bigger.

The key is death. That old ugly heart has got to die. We think sometimes, in the issue of salvation and faith, there is no price to pay, Christ paid it all. And certainly he did, but his invitation to us is death. We must share in his death on the cross. Until we die we can't live. It's something that happens once on the one hand, but then again, it has to happen daily too. I don't like dieing to myself, it hurts, my heart rebels, it doesn't want to be put to death. I lay it down on the altar, I bare it to his masterful touch, his surgeon hands, but I flinch, I want to jump up off of the altar.

It sounds so simple, but I've found the only way my heart is transformed, is "set on things above", is through significant time spent in the word, meditation and worship. I'm using Beth Moore's bible study 'A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place', it has been so timely. God's plan has always been to reach our hearts (thank you Jesus!) and this study points back to that. I've also been purposely not turning on the TV and setting aside quiet time at night to just be with Jesus, in his word, quieting my heart before him, worshiping him. I am so thankful for people and groups like Chris Tomlin, Third Day, Hillsong, Travis Cottrell, Selah and so many more for using the gifts God's given them to teach us and lead us in worship. Lately I almost always have worship music on, it changes me. It lifts my heart and mind to places 'above'.

To spend significant, life changing time with God though takes sacrifice, discipline, commitment. One of the problems we as Christians have with taming our hearts is that we live in a culture that pampers and indulges the heart. We, as a culture, deny ourselves nothing. Righteousness, holiness doesn't come without a price. But what do we gain in return? Everything! Col. 3:4 "When Christ, who is your life (your heart) appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Glory! He's so generous. He asks us to die, but to what? Immorality, greed, selfishness, fear, bitterness. It's hard, certainly, but what does he offer us in return for our broken, black hearts? His own! His glory, his life, power, love, freedom, peace! Have you ever known anyone so generous?! So I dare you, let's do it, what do we have to lose, let's die! And in dieing we'll live!

Breathles Adoration

This was my devotion today from the book Tozer on the Holy Spirit a 366-day devotional. I thought it spoke to what God has been teaching me about holiness, sin, worship.

"The theory (of impromptu service planning) is that if the meeting is unplanned the Holy Spirit will work freely, and that would be true if all the worshipers were reverent and Spirit-filled. But mostly there is neither order nor Spirit... In the majority of our meetings there is scarcely a trace of reverent thought, no recognition of the unity of the body, little sense of the divine Presence, no moment of stillness, no solemnity, no wonder, no holy fear... The whole Christian family stands desperately in need of a restoration of penitence, humility and tears. May God send them soon.

We would do well to follow our old-fashioned forbears who knew what it was to kneel in breathless, wondering adoration in the presence of God."
 

I've always been a fan of Tozer and find his writings convicting and refreshing. Even though he wrote this decades ago, I feel like it's applicable to my life and to the church today.

Remembering

This is a bit of a continued thought from my previous post. I noted previously that sin quenches our passion and zeal for God and hinders our pursuit of holiness. Another thing I've been pondering is if we are saved, loved, rescued, purchased, valued people why don't we wear our gratitude and joy daily on our faces, in our actions. I think one reason is because we have short memories. We forget our wretchedness apart from Jesus.

I know a man that I want to be like. He has an amazing story and he shares it freely. He lives with gratitude and an open heart. He weeps openly over his sinfulness and God's grace, it's beautiful and disconcerting. This man was a drug addict and alcoholic. He was an enemy and scoffer of God. He hurt his family and left his wife. He came to the point of despair and suicide. In desperation he finally called out to Jesus and was changed. He and his wife have remarried and she testifies that he is a new man.

I've never even seen a drug, suicide never has really crossed my mind, never have been to jail. I became a Christian as a child. But I've sinned. Even as a believer I've justified my selfish behavior, which is even more despicable because I've tasted grace and should know better. God has had to set me free from sin, I've needed forgiveness. My sin is no less repulsive to God than the man I know. I should live with as much gratitude and joy.

I think the difference is my human tendency to justify and categorize. I forget that sin is sin, dead is dead. I don't live in the realization of my wretchedness and God's superior worth and glory. I forget that anything good that I am, any beauty I have is really Christ's. I imagine that is the reason for the warning in Ephesians to remember that it's by grace that we're saved and nothing to do with ourselves.

So, while I think sin is the number one culprit for joyless, fruitless, passionless living I believe that once sin is dealt with and forgiven we can't forget. We can't forget that we are capable of terrible sin. We can't forget that once we were God's enemies before we were his friend. We can't forget the wounds he healed, the chains loosed, the dirt removed. In remembering we become a grateful, worshipful people.

Cleansing

Words are jostling around in my mind all vying for attention, reflection, definition. Passion, worship, spiritual, sin, holiness, commitment. All words God is teaching me about and challenging me on. Each word could be focused on exclusively and developed in my life. Yet I'm learning they are interwoven, each effected by the other.

How does a person, a church, become spiritually passionate? How do we become committed to holiness? When does worship become a lifestyle? How do we get past the form of spirituality and to the heart of spirituality?

I believe the crux of the issue is sin. I am not merciless with sin. I, and I believe many others in the church, let sin creep in unchecked. I confess I'm not consistent with confessing and dealing swiftly and brutally with sin. I wouldn't knowingly allow cancer to go unchecked in my body. Sin is just as surely a death sentence in my life.

I don't want to live at the mercy of sin anymore. I've learned it has no mercy. It's goal is my destruction. God's glory and holiness should reign in my life and all that it brings, not the putrid stench of death. If I haven't washed my heart in Jesus blood, cleaning the stains of sin from my heart, when I walk into his presence to worship, pray, commune the stench of death rises to meet him instead of the sweet perfume of Jesus. What an assault to his gift of grace.

Whenever I ask myself why does God seem silent, why don't I have joy like I did or should, why is the bible dry, why am I at odds with others, why, why, why... I know sin is the culprit. When I hear other people ask those questions, or see a lack of fruit and passion I know sin's at the root of it. When I see a church struggling to connect with each other and the community, lacking zeal, disconnected in worship I know sin is lurking.

The Holy Spirit is hindered in his work of transforming us into holy people when sin is left undelt with in our lives. Only when we begin at the beginning, washing our hearts for the first or the five hundredth time, can passion ignite, worship flow freely, healing begin. Oh, come and clean us Jesus. May our goal be your glory and the means be our holiness.

Just Thinking

Recently in my personal bible study God has been reshaping some of my preconceived ideas. I used to think that the sin and fall of man was an accident, God' plan B. I thought he created Adam and Eve and all their offspring to live in the perfect, untainted garden forever. Unbroken communion, unhindered access with the Creator. No need for forgiveness, confession, regeneration, rescue. I thought that the purpose after the fall of man in redemption was to restore things to the way they were, because he hadn't intended the garden to be altered in the first place.

I don't think that anymore. I don't think God's original intent was the garden. I think his plan all along was redemption. Without the need for rescue how could we fully experience the depths of God's love. A person with no need of mercy, grace, forgiveness, repentance, redemption cannot experience those qualities. How could a forgiving God express forgiveness to people with no need. I believe before we were even created God's intent was a rescue mission. (1 Peter 1:18-20, "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake.") I don't think Jesus coming again will re-establish the garden. I believe it will be infinitely better. We will be a people once broken now made whole. A bride once dirty now clean. The friendless in perfect intimacy. Grateful. Restored. Worshiping.

I wouldn't have made a perfect world that could be marred. I would have been content with the garden. But that's because I'm not God. He had so much more to show us than could be contained in a perfect setting. He is not a God to be boxed in by man's wisdom. I don't understand why the risk of so much suffering and evil was worth the cost to God. I can only imagine that it best served his purposes to display his glory, which is the most important thing of all. His glory is our purpose and living for it is the only thing that satisfies.

Holiness

I've been going to a wonderful ladies Bible study for a few months now. It has been such a blessing to open God's word to us and honestly talk about how it applies to our lives. We've been studying the book of Hebrews, which is a book I've always liked. Through this Bible study it has taken on a new richness to me. Right now we're finishing up chapter 10. One of the verses we read has stayed with me and my thoughts keep coming back to what it has to say. It was verse 10:10, "And what God wants is for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all time." This passage is talking about the one time sacrifice of Jesus opposed to the continual sacrifice of animals and that's what the "once for all time" refers to, not necessarily our holiness.

This powerful little verse has caused me to think a lot. Do we as Christians understand that the purpose of Christ's sacrifice was our own personal holiness. I think sometimes we think that becoming a Christian, by accepting his sacrifice, is supposed to make us nice or happy or maybe good. There's nothing wrong with being nice, happy or good, but it's not God's goal for us. As believers we're now intimately connected to a holy God and our own lives should reflect his holiness.

When we become Christians the transaction of holiness happens immediately. God sees Jesus when he looks at us, we are made holy by his blood. But I think sometimes we think that's the end of the story. We forget about the next stage, the transformation of holiness in our lives. We now have to live it out. I'm not good at this. I forget to ask myself if the words I say, the thoughts I think, the way I spend my time, the decisions I make are holy.

The definition of holy in Websters is; 1. set apart for the service of God: sacred. 2. characterized by perfection and transcendence; commanding absolute adoration and reverence. spiritually pure: Godly. That is pretty lofty stuff. I think in the past when I've thought of the command to be holy I've thought, "well I'm human I can't be perfect." But I don't think that's really an option. God has destined us for holiness. Why should he, a perfect God, settle for a dirty, sullied bride? Don't I believe he deserves better? Does my holiness matter to me? Does it reflect on God to the rest of the world?

As I've studied Hebrews and I've gained a better understanding of the intentional sacrifice Jesus made of his own life and the extent that the Father's heart has gone to pursue me and show me a better way, I've realized my salvation can not be taken so lightly. Do we in church realize what we've been set apart to? Do we understand how serious it is to bear the likeness, the holiness, of the living God to the watching world? I confess I don't think I do. Far too often I go about life business as usual. My reaction to hurt feelings from a family member, frustration with my husband, demands from my children, having to wait, being disappointed, etc. is far too often concern for my rights not his glory. My feelings, my time, my money, what an ugly sound.

In Hebrews chapter 5 it says "So even though Jesus was God's Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered." His purpose was to bring glory to his father and holiness to us and that demanded incredible sacrifice on his part. If Jesus accomplished the purchase of our holiness through obedience and he's our example, then I believe obedience in our sufferings is how we live out our holiness. Ouch! What does that look like for me? I'm not exactly sure but I know through the power of His Spirit dwelling in me (which is a whole nother topic) he will make me aware. I can't help but look back with sorrow at my life up 'till this point littered with unholy choices. And I know in the future there will be plenty more. But thank God for his precious word that makes us aware of the truth so that we no longer have to live in darkness! I take such comfort in the fact that a child, such as me, that has been bought at such an incredible price for such an amazing purpose has the Father's constant and loving help and attention!