I'm Embracing Change!

I'm not sure exactly what happened between the last blog post and now, but I think I've actually started a new blog!

My last blog post, An Accidental Mama, resonated with me so much that I felt like there was more to the story. I like risk and change. (I know, my husband thinks I'm weird too) So I decided to explore it!

I've LOVED my last couple of years here on Beck Far From Home. In the process of writing about home and the longing for it, I found I had really been home all along. My heart has it's dwelling in God. I will be far, in a sense, from my heavenly home for the rest of my earthly life. But I don't feel an urgent restlessness to ponder and wrestle with my homelessness like I once did.

Fittingly one of the last blog posts to be written here is entitled Finding Home. I'm satisfied.

Actually As I look over the last three posts I'm amazed. God is bringing me full circle in my life in so many areas. I've found a home. I'm embarking on a new journey of pursuing writing. and income, for the first time in years. And I'm discovering that while I didn't intend to become a mama, God had plans for my good far greater than I could foresee. I'm ready to explore what it means to pursue my calling in the throws of motherhood.

Now all that's left to do is say thank you. Thank you for journeying with me and supporting me as I practiced my faith and played with words! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey as well. And to invite you to join me over at The Accidental Mama, it's not your ordinary mommy blog! See you there. 

Do You Know Any Heroes?

Heroes are awesome! My nine year old, Max, is interested in the laser-eyed, high flying kind. But I'm amazed by a different sort of hero. The kind who fight off fear and take risks for a cause they believe in.

Sometimes that type of hero is high profile, like Bob Goff or Jen Hatmaker. Other times they are the kind of people you go to church with and see in the carpool line. They don't look extra-ordinary, haven't written a best seller, aren't wearing a cape. They're ordinary heroes.

I'd like to tell you about one that has grabbed my attention lately. Stephanie Page is a mom who lives in the freezing world of Minnesota. She's raising three beautiful daughters and investing in the lives of young people, she's blogging, dreaming, and speaking. Recently she started Stories Cafe.

Stephanie says of Stories, "We all have a story to share and our stories can touch the stories of others. Stories is on it's way to becoming a cafe where proceeds will go to the abolition of modern day slavery. Live your story. Share your story. Change a story."

She and her family are working to make Stories a reality. A real place where the proceeds from the Cafe go to fight human trafficking. She's passionate and committed to making a difference.

It hasn't been an easy ride to get to this place, it's taken personal sacrifice. Stephanie's dedication to live what she believes, to put her actions behind her convictions, inspires me. Check out Stories Cafe and see if you aren't inspired too!

Do you know any heroes? It could be your Mom (mine is another one of my heroes), or your pastor, one of your kids teachers, or anyone you know. Tell us who your heroes are!

Have you told them lately that they inspire you? Why not take a moment today to give them a phone call or an email and let them know you appreciate their bold lives of faith!

In need of a Shelter

If you're like me the pressure of life presses in more often than you would like to admit. The frantic pace of trying to make ends meet, keeping up with kid's schedules, pursuing an illusive dream. The aching weariness of a constant stream of bad news. I can't even watch the evening news anymore; killings, hunger, disappointment, disaster, corruption, immorality, a steady dose I just can't ingest. The sorrow of a family member's illness, the fatigue of training up children in this world, the disappointment of personal shortcomings.

It all settles tight between the shoulder blades and threatens to overwhelm. Those moments, which are oddly interspersed with delight and wonder, crop up weed-like so often. When they do my heart is refreshed by remembering the words of Psalm 18:

As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great. You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way. 

I don't know what weariness you are laboring under, what dreams you are investing in, what hurt is burning in your chest. But I do know the God who is your Rock and mine. He calls, he trains, he protects, and is patient. You've heard it before, but maybe you need to hear it again, God is for you.

Today if your heart is heavy, or maybe you are feeling worn around the edges, take courage, God has offered himself as your shelter. He never wearies of caring for his own and teaching us how to battle in his strength. 

Can I pray for us?
God as the world whirs on, noisy and fitful, quiet our hearts in your presence. Remind us to turn our eyes to you, knowing you always care for your people. Be our Rock, our shield, our safe place of peace. Your good news of grace and truth outshines the ugly of this world any day. Thank you God. Amen.

Cultivating the Hearts of the Next Generation

Spring unfolds her verdant banner early in southern Alabama, inviting us to linger outside. As my little daughter and I enjoyed the backyard I noticed that a large pot, brought from my grandmother's house after she died last year, was coming to life. The hydrangea inside is pushing out fresh green leaves and on one of the vines, winding it's way to rest on the shoulder of an angel, also from her yard, was a dainty purple blossom. I didn't realize last year when I brought the faded green pot home what kind of vine was planted along with the hydrangea, but I was so tickled to discover it was the beautiful purple flowering one.

Today in the backyard my grandmother's flowers, and her grandchild, are blooming.

Grandma's green thumb was more of a green hand. She nurtured and cared for her beloved flowers and yard. Seeing her plants, now alive in my yard, alongside of her vivacious granddaughter, reminded me of our responsibility to tend and pass down truth. How are we investing in the next generation?

Life goes on. We tend and nurture, plant and plan, and then we're gone. What do we leave? It matters. Is it lasting, does it effect generations for God's glory, is what we leave behind of eternal consequence? One day the the little purple flower will fade and die but the little girl with bouncing curls, spinning and singing, I trust, will never truly die.

"He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." Psalm 78:5-7

How we tend little hearts matters. They will not grow straight and strong on their own. Healthy hearts require nurturing. How are you investing in the future generation?

Un-surprised by Evil

Kermit Gosnell is you, and he's me; without the grace of Jesus active in our lives that is. I came to terms a long time ago that I was born with the cancer of evil pumping through my heart. Evil that I know could take me to dark places.

In our culture we tirade against evil and immoral people. My question is, why? Are we really surprised by sin and the media's inability to cover it accurately or well, or the governments ability to address it effectively? What I really want to know is are we moved enough to go places where people are ignorant, poor, desperate, trapped and meet the need? Are we willing to walk into darkness?

Is there a reason we think evil is going to give up the fight, roll over, and play dead? Why are we outraged when people act exactly as the Bible tells us they will without the illumination of truth? Why do we judge those who are already judged.

Of course what Gosnell and many, many others has done is disgusting and outrageous. But I don't see anywhere that Jesus was outraged by people, except by religious dead men carrying out a show, hording mercy for only those deemed worthy in their own minds.

What happened to the women and children at Gosnell's hands is gut-wrenching. But is it so different than what has happened for years to thousands of babies and women? Just because there is documentation of perfectly formed, breathing babies that died in his clinic does it make the legal death of a 15 week old pre-born baby less messy or heartbreaking?

Can there really be shades of death? Sin is sin, death is death. (Tweet This)

I wonder if our surprise over evil speaks of insulation. Let's don't insulate ourselves from the heartbreak and evil of this world. Babies die daily by the hundreds at the hands of violent men. Outside of our homes lies the carnage of sin, sometimes right at our very doorstep.

It's hard, I know, at moments to look. To truly see the socially awkward woman who was once a badly abused child. To witness the starvation of whole people groups. To know of children who suffer a life of not belonging. To look full faced into the eyes of a dying world. So very hard.

But let's go on and assume that today in our town a desperate woman will walk into a clinic and suffer violence to the very core of her motherhood and body, and in the process become an accomplice to death. Let's assume the worst around us. And then lets get involved.

Why not be the nosy neighbor, the concerned friend, the voice of truth, the one who goes into dark places for a rescue mission? I wonder about those babies and women who lost their lives at Gosnell's hands. What if? What if a church patrolled the area looking for victims to rescue, would they have died?

Of course we can't prevent every death, every wound, every violence. The question is, do we try? I'm asking myself. And I'm asking you. I wonder, where is the wound in my community? How can I be the one that Jesus uses today to run a raid on the enemy camp and bring the captive home?

I don't want to be surprised when the evil of my community, of my world, raises it's head. I want to already have been there, looking for the vulnerable to rescue from it's grip. Perhaps those are noble and idealistic dreams but I've always been a crusader I don't intend on stopping now.

How do you respond to the evil of the world, of your community? I'd love to hear about what you are doing to reach out to the broken around you! Inspire us!

Are You a Couch Rebel? I Hope I Am!

"Icy cold had gripped downtown Billings Montana in it’s talons. There was nothing surprising in that, at this time of year a blanket of snow and frigid air often clung to the city’s skin. Despite the cold my husband and I had found our way to the local Walmart during a break from the pastor’s conference we were attending. Pulling up to a stop sign headed out of the parking lot I saw her..."

Want to read more? Go here!

I shared this story over at CausePub as a part of the Couch Rebels project. Hundreds of writers are teaming up to write this book to earn money for Blood: Water Mission.

For every copy of Couch Rebels sold, the organization, Blood:Water Mission, will be able to provide three people with clean water for one year. The goal of this Cause is to sell 15,000 copies, which means that 45,000 lives can be directly impacted through your participation in this CausePub project!

Stories for this project are submitted by anyone who has stepped outside of their comfort zone and has a story to share, does that sound like you? The stories submitted are then chosen to be published in the book by a team of editors and your votes!

There are three ways you can be involved with this great cause! You can submit your own story, you can vote for other stories (including mine, hint, hint), and you can sign up to buy the book. Why not head on over to CausePub and check it out!

Finding Purpose in Pain

Over the last several months I've wrestled with the concepts of suffering and healing, pain and deliverance in ways I never have before. The struggle is nothing new to the human experience.

An authentic balance between the hope I hang my life on and the ache of a wounded world is emerging. The supernatural as it collides with the material can be raw. The diagnosis of my mom with cancer, and walking among the forgotten of a Serbian mental institution, has fleshed out what I believe in deeper ways.

I have no issue with miracles. I don't doubt the parting of the red sea, feeding of the 5,000, healing of many diseased people, and ultimately the resurrection of a dead Man who was also divine. I figure if I can believe that Jesus is who he said and did what is recorded then anything's up for grabs.

But that's just my problem, anything does seem to be up for grabs. It's a fixation and fascination with the "manifestation" of God's power that sets me on edge. I've believed for a long time that we can expect God to move geography around to suit his needs, to do whatever he wants with the flesh he designed and created. It's all his, atoms have no will, he holds it all together anyway.

If you want to get me really excited and raucous then tell me of a heart that was dead but has come to life with the breath of heaven pumping in it's veins. A will that's been bent to Jesus,' a rebel turned family member, that is truly a mystery I can never get enough of!

But the hunger I see around me for miraculous signs causes me to pause. I distrust a pursuit of healing and a longing for a supernatural display. God rebuked the religious people of his day for asking for a sign when they had the very presence of God in their midst wrapped in flesh. They were looking for wonders and missing the Wonderful One. Jesus wearied of the thrill seekers looking for another meal and miracle. He questioned when they would allow what he had done to open their eyes to who he was. (Matthew 8)

I used to pursue the sensational. I was hard on another person's perceived lack of faith because of that thrill seeking mindset. If the room didn't shake or rushing wind fill the building or people get healed I questioned the power and presence of God. But as I've prayed and studied and lived I believe the supreme miracle that God performs for us, the one that takes the most faith and cooperation on our part, is for him to take a selfish heart and gently bend it to his will and likeness. For him to take a handful of individually redeemed human hearts and knit them together into one living, breathing, walking, talking, united body that longs more for his presence than for his gifts. Those are some mighty miracles.

In the midst of sorrow I've wondered if God would rather hear a child say "I want what you want and I don't want to miss you in this pain," than a bold declaration of faith insisting an illness be removed. I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for healing ever. The bible clearly directs us to pray for all things and that healing is a gift he offers to his children. But the bible also talks about suffering that produces dependence on God and a soft heart that is useful.

The bottom line is I want God more than I want to be safe or comfortable.

Which is what I think he longs for  us to desire. Instead of automatically assuming God wants to heal or remove us from a painful situation by supernatural means, let's ask him. He will tell us. There are times I've been led to pray for healing but more often than not I've been led to pray that God will make his presence known in the suffering, and that his purpose would be accomplished.

I'm uncomfortable assuming God's intention beyond knowing that he is good, I am loved, and it's all about his glory. I want to keep my heart soft and open. If God chooses to reveal his presence in supernatural, visible ways I welcome it. If he chooses to sustain me and meet me in the every day I welcome that as well. The point is I want Jesus. 

A.B. Simpson wrote,
"Once it was the blessing, Now it is the Lord;
Once it was the feeling, Now it is His Word.
Once His gifts I wanted, Now the Giver own;
Once I sought for healing, Now Himself alone.

I want my desire to be for him in whatever he chooses. I find myself in a way indifferent to healing. Not because I don't believe God can heal but because I believe as we seek him we will find himself, the Great Prize. His very presence is a balm and a healing. In the midst of cancer, for the blonde haired orphan I love, Jesus is enough. I rest in that, knowing he will give exactly what we need for our good and his glory.

Are you experiencing pain or suffering right now? I pray and trust that the immense love of Jesus will take that heartache and work in it something beautiful that will leave you more in love with him than before.

It would be my pleasure to pray with you in that hard place! Please leave a comment below or send me an email.

Called to Light

I packed the blue bound book inside my suite case and set off in search of God's glory in a land time zones away. 

God knew what I carried with me, his word and a desire to see his heart for Serbia. I love how they collided, and one of the most powerful experiences of my life unfolded.

Before I set out for Serbia last October my Mom and I discussed an idea. She wanted to send something to leave in the country, something personal, a gift she had prayed over. I loved that idea. She chose a Bible and wrote a brief message in the front cover.

Soon after arriving in Novi Sad, Serbia I met a spiritual sister, Gordana. I had prayed to connect with God's people in Serbia, as well as the brokenhearted needing his love. I'm touched by the way he orchestrated both. At our first meeting, and through our subsequent time together, Gordana and I resonated with the presence of Jesus like tuning forks struck hard.

If you've followed my story long you know that Gordana has started a ministry to abused women in her city. Women who are victims of domestic abuse, women who have been backed into a corner and see no way out, women who have become slaves. Her passion is evident. She is living hope to these broken people.

Before I left I put the crisp, new Bible into Gordana's hands. A Bible that's been prayed over, that bears a message of love in it's front cover, that carries hope. I asked her to give it to a woman who speaks English, who is hungry to read God's word for herself, when the time is right.

In Serbia a Bible is waiting for a woman. A woman that my Mom, Gordana, and I believe will come out of darkness and into God's marvelous light. A woman who's past will be washed clean and who's future will be as part of Jesus' family. A woman we're praying for.

I'm small. My Mom has never been to Serbia. And yet our heart's are invested in the nations, personally, intentionally.

Discipleship can take shape in the most unique and beautiful ways. Men, women, and children are waiting in places like Serbia, Uganda, Ecuador and our backyards to be called from darkness into light. It's not our duty, it's our privilege to partner with the heart of God in praying, giving, and going.

God has called our hands, feet, voices and hearts to join him in the task of making disciples of the nations, it's not an option for his children. Would we want it to be?

Colossians 1:13-14 "For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

I find these days that I pray more for the salvation of this woman that God's word is waiting for, and her sisters in bondage, than I pray for my Mom to be healed of cancer. I don't feel guilt in saying that because I've long believed the greatest miracle is the redemption of a human heart. After all it was my Mom who taught me the truth and beauty of sisterhood, of investing our healed pain in the lives of others. My Mom lives with a physical cancer but thousands of woman are dying from a spiritual cancer. 

I long for the day my Mom is whole and we celebrate the victory of life, but just as dearly I long for the day Mom and I embrace in victory because our prayers have been answered and the seed of that one Bible turns into the exodus of hundreds of women from a dark bondage and into the kingdom of light.

You have a purpose, a God given one, to be light. 

Who are you praying for, who are you engaging with the good news? The stories of discipleship are as beautifully varied as each of us. I would love to hear your story!

Leaving Behind I'm not, Embracing I Am!

It's easy for me to get stuck and recite in my head what I'm not. How about you? Statements like I'm not pretty enough, not organized enough, not thin enough, not successful enough, not patient enough, not good enough taunt me. But today I'm reminded to focus on what I am. Because God has revealed himself to us as I AM and shared his very nature with us, as his people, we too can say "I am"! (Exodus 33)

Maybe, like me, you have gotten stuck on the I'm not's. Instead I invite you, leave that broken record behind, and join me in declaring I am!

God's love has enabled us to say, I am chosen.
His mercy has empowered us to say, I am forgiven.
His Word has taught us to say, I am wise.
His presence has emboldened us to say, I am known.
His power has invited us to shed the robe of victim, and claim I am a conqueror.
His robe of righteousness gives us the right to say, I am beautiful.
His design has taught us to say, I am precious.
His promise has given us reason to say, I am hopeful.
His gifts have taught us to say, I am thankful.
His light has penetrated our hearts to say, I am alive.
His strength gives us confidence to declare, I am safe.
His Spirit allows us to say, I am equipped.
His invitation to serve with him allows us to say, I am valued.
His Son's blood has allowed us to say, I am worthy!

So today let's stand on his faithfulness and declare I am! No doubt you can add to the list of I am's based on God's word and your experience. Go ahead, in the comments below add a few to the list! And if you found this list encouraging why not send it to a friend!

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. Romans 3:1-2

How do you use your influence?

Business bullied my heart this week and pressing responsibility squeezed tight. The littlest one bore the brunt of it. She usually does. As I felt the crush of expectation, mostly my own; and drive to accomplish, my words turned sour and sharp. How could I think about, write about, celebrate mercy, and yet so shamefully neglect to give it? 

I'm reminded once again that I am sorrowfully broken, so easily misguided. Even the best of my intentions, without God breath, are a puff of dust leaving a dry taste in the mouth. 

Perhaps that easy distraction, a slipping into the love of boxes and rules instead of truth, isn't so new a problem. In Acts Paul mentions a group of women, devout, God fearing women, who were easily stirred up to love their own way more than the truth.

And so the Word of the Lord [concerning eternal salvation through Christ] scattered and spread throughout the whole region. But the Jews stirred up the devout women of high rank and the outstanding men of the town, and instigated persecution against Paul and Barnabas and drove them out of their boundaries. Acts 13:49-50

The truth of Christ is always met with opposition. What is scary is that it can be met with opposition even in the most devout. Truth always requires a response, a bending with or standing opposed. It strikes me in this passage that the women mentioned had the opportunity to affect the whole community, for good or bad, with their actions and words.

Do I realize, do you realize, the power our words and attitudes, actions and choices have on those around us? Our children are watching, our husbands listening, the young women we teach, the facebook community we interact with, the women we have coffee with, they are all influenced by us.

Women are influencers with the power to "instigate". Sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror, but I think this question bears attention. How are we influencing? Are our words negative, biting into the heart of those listening, leaving behind a trail of doubt and cynicism; are they self exalting; are they colored with rigid religion, fear, or pride?

Or do our words wash others with an outpouring of hope, fresh as rain, quenching parched hearts. Do we speak of mercy, forgiveness, trust? Do we confess our fears and weaknesses, doubts and lack of understanding in humility? Do we celebrate the spread of Christ's eternal salvation, for all people?

Our influence as women in our communities is powerful and not to be taken lightly. I'm convicted regularly how short I've fallen, how careless I've been with such a sacred trust.

I'd love to hear from you. How do you guard your influence? Do you have women in your life who hold you accountable? 

You can leave a comment here or head over to the Allied Women website and join in the conversation in the Mentoring forum. We would love to have you!

The Lord Is My Shepherd

Hearing the beautiful words of the 23rd Psalm, read yesterday at church, has left an impression on my heart. I've never associated this passage with Christmas but the truth resonated and the season added a fresh perspective.

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

forever.

Psalm 23

What a powerful thought that the baby the shepherds came to worship was their true Shepherd, he always had been, he understood them, he knew exactly what they needed. Because the Shepherd has come he leads us in a new way, guiding us in peace, caring for our needs, in person. 

Even in the darkest valley. I'm reminded of a passage in Isaiah 9. "The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine... For a child is born to us, a son is given to us." This Christmas the dark valley, the shadow of death, has hovered over our family. Immanuel takes on a whole knew meaning. Through all of life's dark valley's Immanuel is the reality of God walking with us. 

Jesus' arrival puts into perspective that death, for those who trust him, is just a shadow. It's his goodness and love that pursue us, not judgement and wrath, and when we pass through the shadow from this life to the next, Immanuel will be a face to face reality. His house will be our home forever. "His government and its peace will never end." 

Jesus didn't come for a brief visit thousands of years ago, he came to stay. He came to lead us home. Whatever your life holds this Christmas, joy or grief, or a mixture of both, I trust Jesus will walk with you. That his goodness and love will pursue you, that he will guide you in right paths, and give your heart rest. Merry Christmas friends!

Near

Thoughts race, days swirl, noise abounds; ah, the Christmas season of a pastor's family. As we raced up to the season of holy days observed, just before we jumped in, I asked God to make me aware of his presence this Christmas. I wondered how he would do it. We weren't slowing down as we eased into the fast lane of the season. Decorating, Christmas caroling, gift buying, advent observing, writing, dessert nights, parade attending, movie watching, hot chocolate drinking; so much celebrating, so little time.

I whispered his name, began looking out for his finger prints, sought to prepare my heart with a fresh welcome but still it was the same story. I love "Immanuel", God with us, but it's nothing I haven't heard before. I was curious how he would bring his presence to the forefront.

This last week as I sat tucked into my parents cozy cabin in the Carolina woods I smiled to myself. All of a sudden every holiday tradition and desire this season had become irrelevant in light of my Mom's very serious illness. The whispered Immanuel had become an all out shout. His presence no longer a desire but an urgent necessity. "Oh, that's how he's going to do it," I thought to myself.

The C.S. Lewis quote, "Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world," has been rattling around my mind. There's nothing like being reminded of our vulnerability to bring into focus our great need of Jesus' sustaining presence. My hunger has deepened, the search intensified, I don't just want to know God's presence with me, I need it. Like air, or I won't survive.

Where do you find yourself as this season whirls about you? Are you hungry for God's presence dwelling with you, wrapped in flesh and beating inside of your very own heart? Are you desperate? Or are you distracted? God has the amazing ability to make his presence relevant to us, usually it's just a matter of time.

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

How can I pray for you this season as you rely on Immanuel's presence to satisfy and sustain your heart?

Join In

For the last couple of months our church has been talking about Vintage Faith. We've taken the passage in Hebrews 11 and drawn out some of the stories of faithful men and women. Their lives have given us a picture of what faith in the living God looks like. For me it's been a powerful time. I don't think I will quickly forget these messages.

Right in the middle of the series some pretty major things happened in my life, things that could have left me drained, confused, and overwhelmed. But instead I feel energized and excited. Why is that?

I believe it's because I've recognized that the men and women of faith we've been studying, Abraham, Moses, Rahab, Peter, etc., were all invited into the establishment of God's kingdom. Their success was based solely on the power and devotion of God to accomplish his plan. And I believe that is true in my life as well. 

I believe God has called me to be a part of the establishment of his kingdom in my corner of Alabama and in Serbia. He's called all of us who follow him to seek and extend his mercy and live in his reign wherever we are. Being present in God's kingdom, and drawing others in, is what it's all about.

That life doesn't come without opposition and hardship, but it also doesn't come without power. Were Rahab and Gideon, Abraham and Joseph exceptional in and of themselves, were they something all together different than we are? I don't think so, but they did have exceptional faith, faith God honored. The hardships they overcame and victories accomplished were all through God's power.

When we step out in faith to express mercy, to live holy lives set apart to God's glory, to live in a way that joins in the spread of God's kingdom, there is power to obey. God is already working to advance his reign and his glory, the display of his mercy to all mankind, it's our responsibility to ask him where and join him.

When I got back from Serbia my sister asked me a question I've been thinking about for a while. She wanted to know if the workers at the institution, and I imagine even myself, questioned where God was in a place like that, in the midst of the suffering.

I didn't encounter anyone at the institution who identified themselves as a follower of Jesus. But I saw God's presence in a way I didn't expect. I saw his image in people. Men and women who knew to be compassionate and merciful to those in need were bearing him in their DNA.

And I saw in the suffering a hope to hang on to life even in difficult circumstances and limited capacity. God was there. 

I believe more now than ever before that even though many of these people live rejected by society and on the fringe of life that God desires to establish his kingdom there. A refuge of his mercy in the storm of this life. I also believe he has graciously drawn me into that plan, he's already doing it, it's his work but he's invited me to join in.

Where is God working around you? Where can you see God stretching out his kingdom, offering people mercy? Are you joining in? There will be struggle in the journey but there will also be power, because it's all for his glory.

"And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him." Hebrews 11:6

Steps

Steps up Petravaradin Fortress

Last week I wrestled between God's leading and my dreaming as I worked out a response, a vision, to the needs of Dom Veternik's institutionalized. He brought me to a place of quiet and trust, of waiting, that I thought could last for days, even weeks. Unexpectedly, I love how he surprises us, that time of quiet lasted much shorter than I thought. 

I'm catching a new vision, a new excitement, as God continues to soften my heart to people he loves. Beautifully he used a blog friend to confirm and solidify his plans. I never could have envisioned it but I'm so thankful how one step leads to another. All I have to do is take each step before me, in his power and grace. Sounds simple, feels like a mountain some days. 

This weekend I took a step that may appear small but felt monumental, and was accompanied by that momentary tremor of fear. But it's what's before me, the next step. I submitted a request of name for a non-profit organization. The name has been reserved by Alabama's State Department and I have 120 days to file paperwork to form a non-profit corporation. I had just enough money left from what was given for the trip to apply for the name. So I used it as a seed.

That's one of those moments that grab you by the heart and squeezes your insides. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a happy dance or grab my head and panic. What have I done? I believe I've listened and trusted and risked. I'm expecting that the God who has given the love for the task will also give the power.

There is a lot to do. I'm trusting God will continue to call people into his love for Serbia as partners. Whether it's in giving or going or praying. I trust God will continue to raise people up to be a part of the ministry's board, he's already started putting together a team! I trust God will continue to supply the resources. Most importantly I trust God will cause our obedience to bear fruit, that people will come to know his mercy and his name will be made famous in Serbia.

If you feel drawn to be a part of the work God is doing in Serbia contact me and we can see what that looks like. I hope in the near future to send out an email and launch a website to keep you better informed and to spread the word to get others involved. Stay tuned for those exciting developments and of course for the unveiling of our new name!

In the meantime would you continue to pray?
Pray for God's continued leading and provision.
Pray for the seed of love that was planted at Dom Veternik to take root and draw people to Jesus.
Pray for the local church in Novi Sad to continue to grow in love and size.

Thank you friends for your continued support and interest. I'm thankful for the encouragement you provide and your hearts that celebrate with me the spread of God's glorious mercy!

The Same

I'm disappointed in the outcome of the election, but I'm not disheartened because a presidential candidate isn't who my faith is in. If I look at man, at life circumstances, at money, or unrest around the globe I could easily become fearful. But God ruled yesterday, he's ruling today, and he will rule tomorrow. It's God that gives freedom, who provides for the earth, who is faithful to his promises. I'm trusting him for my life in America, and I'm trusting him for the fatherless of Serbia. He establishes his plan of mercy and he will accomplish it. Yesterday a wise friend shared this passage with me and it's where I'm resting my gaze today.

Psalm 146

Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord, my soul.

I will praise the Lord all my life;

    I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. 

Do not put your trust in princes,

    in human beings, who cannot save.

 

When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;

    on that very day their plans come to nothing.

Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,

    whose hope is in the Lord their God.

He is the Maker of heaven and earth,

    the sea, and everything in them—

    he remains faithful forever.

He upholds the cause of the oppressed

    and gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets prisoners free,

    the Lord gives sight to the blind,

the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,

    the Lord loves the righteous. 

The Lord watches over the foreigner

    and sustains the fatherless and the widow,

    but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

The Lord reigns forever,

    your God, O Zion, for all generations.

Praise the Lord.

Today I will praise him because he is good and is my hope. Won't you join me?

All For Friendship

I went to Serbia to make friends. It may seem an odd goal to have, flying across the world, to engage in friendship. But I hope that's what I did.

Bob Goff says, "Some people will always be skeptical of extravagant love. Give them something to talk about." (If you haven't read his book Love Does, you really should) I could have gone to Serbia to start programs, to preach, to document a situation, but I believe friendship is more powerful than programs any day. 

View from the Seminary we stayed at in Novi Sad.

When I landed in Belgrade on October 18th with my friend Nichole I was prepared with months of prayer, the support of some amazing family and friends, and many weeks of email exchanges with the staff of the mental institution. I had also been in contact in the previous week or two with a few Christians in Novi Sad, and Nichole and I had even found a Theological Seminary to stay at. 

A typical street outside of the city center

While that seemed like plenty of preparation when I got on the plane, it was a completely different story when we got off! I can't say that the Belgrade airport has spent sufficient money on making a first impression to those arriving in their country for the first time. I wonder if they get a lot of international travelers, it was hard to find someone who spoke English, and we felt not like Americans but two headed aliens. In short, as we stood waiting on the sidewalk for the bus to take us the hour and a half to Novi Sad, after some challenging communication about currency exchange, and with Nichole's phone battery drained, the inevitable wave of 'what are we doing here' washed over me.

Is an email exchange with someone in another country, someone I've never actually spoken to, someone who knows we're coming to find out information about their institution that has a not so nice reputation, is that really enough grounds to have bought two very expensive tickets just so we can show up? For a moment I wanted to cry but God reminded me it wasn't just Dom Veternik I was coming to see, it was his glory. For the last few months my prayers for the disabled, warehoused in a mental institution, had changed to prayers for the entire people of Serbia, that they would know God's glory expressed to them in mercy. There was no turning back now.

When we stepped onto the curb outside of the Novi Sad Theological Seminary friendship began. Relief washed over us and gratitude rose up from our hearts. Ladislav Repic, a member of the Seminary staff, met us warmly, and our time at the Seminary was graced with comfort, great conversation, and the bond of Christ. Later in the week we met up with Gordana, I've mentioned her in a previous post, we had been connected on facebook through a mutual friend. We knew God was involved in orchestrating the beautiful connections we had with Novi Sad's Christian community. Everything I've ever written about sisters here on this blog was evident in our meeting with Gordana, and others. I love when Jesus in me resonates with Jesus in another heart, and that certainly happened as we opened our hearts and relished God's grace with Gordana.

A group of young adults with mobility issues

On Friday the moment had come for us to see with our own eyes the truth about Dom Veternik. We were a little nervous because we had heard that the director was concerned about our visit. The MDRI, a human rights group, had released a report the weekend before that was less than favorable in it's description of several institutions, including Dom Veternik, and that had put him on edge. When we arrived we were welcomed warmly and were able to address their concerns and state our true reason for coming; that we wanted to see with our own eyes their needs, and to be friends. Of course that sounds strange when you say it out loud. The inevitable questions, "who sent you, what are your qualifications, who do you represent," are bound to be asked. I'm getting better at answering those questions they've been asked so many times!

Children on the floor for immobile and mentally disabled , they are all over 10 years old

Over the next several days I think, I hope, they came to see our motivation. The staff took us everywhere, not holding back the most troubling sights, answering any question, expressing their needs and hopes. I knew I would come to care for and love the kids, I was surprised by how much I came to care for the staff. We were making friends. Serbia is less than 1% evangelical, most people identify with the Orthodox church, so I knew that expressing our purpose in coming (to express the love of Jesus, the ultimate friend) might sound weird. I'm getting used to sounding weird though. Most cultures can understand the language of friendship I think, compassion, empathy, love. The staff just wanted to be understood. It had hurt them that they have been painted in reports and media coverage as unfeeling and unkind to the residents. It was obvious to us that the men and women who work with the 600 hundred residents of Dom Veternik care a great deal about their well being. It was also obvious that their care is not enough. 

 Painting a poster of peace with a group of disabled children

We saw workers put in straining situations, limited by resources, working hard in some cases just to keep people safe and alive. Three women for almost 50 profoundly disabled immobile children and adults is not enough. Or how about three women for 75 profoundly mentally disabled children, children who can walk, some can talk, get into trouble, hurt themselves and each other, who need hugs and stimulation and therapy. Three women. I can't imagine three women for 75 healthy children, forget about 75 very needy children. The shortage of staff isn't Dom Veternik's fault, the government sets the ratio of workers to patients, and it's not the governments fault, they are struggling to rebuild their country after difficult times and in a challenging economy. It's the nature of life, there are always poor, helpless, and weak people, there are always people trying to help without enough resources. It's a waste of time to look for who's at fault. Better to pitch in and help.

Anna, me, Jana, Nichole, and Marina at Dom Veternik

And that's what I want to do. Because now Zoran and Srdjan, Anna, Marina, Jana, Lubitza, and Dragana are our friends. They work in different roles in the institution, administrating, teaching and caring. Nikola, Borin, Petra, Luca and many others are also our friends, they live in different spaces, with different needs, inside of Dom Veternik. Love doesn't judge, love helps, love finds the good, love sees God's mercy extended to all of his creation and joins in. God is obviously not finished with Serbia and neither am I. These friendships are just the beginning. Now it's time to pray harder, love deeper, and work more! Who's with me?

Srdjan and Nichole shopping for Dom Veternik

I'm working on the next steps and I'm excited about what God is going to do. Nichole and I have lots of ideas! The first thing I need to do is begin a non-profit organization. And to do that I need a name. I want you to help me! What do you think would be a good name for an organization partnering with the disabled of Serbia to help give them hope, dignity and a better life? Give it your best shot and leave your suggestions in the comment section below. If I choose one of your suggestions I'll send you a Starbucks gift card!

Trusting As I Go

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

As I spend these last few days before our trip to Serbia I find myself in a flurry of activity and emotion. Nichole and I leave in 8 days! I've started a few blog posts but they've gone unfinished. I'm unable to find adequate words to express what I'm feeling and what God is teaching.

I'm distracted and busy, focused on educating children, navigating church life well, and thinking through the details of foreign travel. I wish I could take out my heart and up end it on the page, dumping out it's contents like so much clutter and sort through the mess, like I do when my purse gets too full. But I don't really know where to start.

I wish I could write eloquently about faith and the mind boggling truths I'm learning. The truth of Hebrews that makes me question if chapter 11 is really meant to be a hall of fame or if it's mean to be a pattern for all believers to live by. If faith that clings to promises, stares down kings and lions, recons this life worthless compared to the next, and strikes out in search of God's glory and goodness isn't meant to be the norm instead of the exception.

I want to write about anticipation that is holy and hushed as I get ready for the most awesome journey of my life. But instead I'm a frazzled mama who realizes saying goodbye to dear ones at home is going to be harder than she realized. I'd like to say I feel fearless, ready to strike out boldly, but all of a sudden I remember how much I truly loath flying. I guess going in obedience doesn't have to be pretty and perfect, I just have to go and trust that in the going God will make something beautiful of it all. Honestly I doubt a lesser reason than seeing these broken ones would compel me to fly over the ocean, crammed into a metal tube for hours. Just the thought of it turns my insides squiggly.

I imagine Jesus didn't relish the pain of the cross, Moses didn't always enjoy the tedious leading of a rebellious people, Joseph didn't find pleasure in false accusations. The point is they loved something, someone, more than their own comfort. All be it brokenly and haltingly I'm learning to as well.


I love that Exodus and Hebrews tell us that when Moses had intimate faith to ask to see God's glory, God responded. He responded not by revealing his creative power, or judgement, or holy fire. God revealed his mercy. I'm taking that to heart and as I go I'm asking to see God's glory. Moses' example teaches me to ask for God's glory too, he is always eager to display his mercy and for his children to follow suit and show mercy too.

So I leave in 8 days, trusting in the promises that God's mercy is new every morning, that he gives power to his children to love the brokenhearted, that God draws near to all who seek him. I would love your prayers as I say goodbye at home and set out for the unknown. God has so faithfully provided materially for this trip, now I'm trusting him to provide his very presence for the journey.

What promise of God's do you believe that changes the way you live?

A Truth I Live By ~ Together

Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit. Ephesians 2:20-21

It's hard to have favorites in a work of excellence and beauty, but I would have to say Ephesians is a favorite of mine. God's plan for his people sweeps out in brush strokes that are both intimate and grand. 

How are we made right with the Living God? Through his ancient plan of shed blood for you and me. How are we made holy and fit for eternal union with him? Through the power of his Spirit alive in us. How do we live a life of meaning and power, fulfilling all he intended us to be? Together. 

There is no way around it. Your story, my story, our spiritual maturity are all wrapped up together. People who say they don't need to go to church to know God, and worship him just as well out in the forest haven't read Ephesians. That is not God's plan for his people.

But let's face it. We drive each other crazy. At least sometimes. Is this the only way to have the full empowering of the Holy Spirit? As a community of faith walkers? I believe it is. 

This passage in Ephesians hearkens back to another temple. In the old testament God's glory, his empowering presence dwelt with man, first in the tabernacle and then the temple. His presence was evident, palpable, undeniable, bringing glory to himself and favor to his people. 

That same powerful presence is available to us as well. Certainly the Holy Spirit indwells us individually, but to stop there would be to fall short of God's plan and full blessing. How do we know the fullness of God? How do we see God from every angle and know the rich textures of his character? How are we connected to Jesus, the cornerstone? By being connected with each other.

This is a truth I live by. When the crabby older lady criticizes my parenting, when the pastor's words convict, when relationships challenge my cool, I remember God would have me know him more deeply and become more holy by being connected to them. Being connected to those growing in faith, those who are younger, those who are hurting or confused, those with stronger faith that hold me accountable, is good for both my faith and theirs. 

Of course it's not all difficult, there are plenty of sweet moments, breathtaking aha moments, Holy Spirit resonating moments too as we share our hearts and lives together. Is it challenging to live "joined together"? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Beyond question!

He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love. Ephesians 4:16

So do your part! Let's work together and see the fullness of God dwelling in us so that we are full of love.

{I'm linking up with Ellen Stumbo, whom I am excited to be connected to in faith, for her Monday writing prompt.}

Face the Storm

Enjoying a swim with friends

Preparing for a tropical storm, turned hurricane, is a bit like engaging the broken people around us. You do everything you can to prepare, to shore yourself up, and then stand face to the wind bravely taking on the storm. I made this observation the past weekend as I prepared for Hurricane Isaac and prepared to spend time with an unbelieving neighbor.

I had to call deeply on the reserves of truth I have hidden in my heart as I talked with my neighbor about life. She has no frame of reference for truth. Owns a Bible because I recently gave her one. Has been wounded by people with religious affiliation. And has more questions than answers.

My hair stood back a little from the overdose of information, and pain. I like to think I've seen a few things in my day and I'm not the naive homeschooled teenager I once was. But truth be told I like my comfort zone and haven't strayed too far from the church door. I consider my past a gift but also, if I'm not careful, a handicap.

At first I saw my neighbor as a project. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Bring the heathen into the fold and clean them up? It didn't take long for me to realize that was the lazy way to go about it. I'm a recovering pharisee, mingling too closely with an immoral person, who has more pain than can be easily dragged to church and covered up, got my palms sweaty.

Then the novel idea struck me that perhaps I should love her, and her family, for loves sake and no other. It seems to be working. I offer to take her kids to church, and often they go. I bring food from the church potluck to her house. We talk about Jesus. But I don't pressure her to come to church or commit to anything. I've never read her the Roman's road, or Four Spiritual Laws. Instead I show up. We talk about how life is messy and where is God when there is pain. She asks questions and I ask them back. I tell her I'm praying for her, I hug her kids, I hug her, I tell her I love her and that Jesus does too.

Watching the waves grow at Isaac's approach, Orange Beach

Love doesn't evacuate, it settles in. I stand in the wind and the rain and get buffeted. But I've found it's really not so bad. Actually it's exhilarating. Like driving to the beach to watch the waves grow as the storm approaches. I make sure I have a reserve of Living Water, a Holy power source, in my survival kit. I protect what might get damaged by the storm. And I find that if I'm submitted to the Holy Spirit, her unholiness doesn't effect me, Jesus' holiness in me effects her.

Hurricane Isaac turned out not to be a big deal for us. Some rain, gusty wind, and a few downed branches. Likewise loving a person, even one who is hurt and in need, when done in the power of Christ isn't a big deal. Well, it's a big deal but not for the inconvenience I imagined. It's a big deal to show up and be present, the fragrance of Jesus to one dying, because it's a holy act of love that binds my heart more closely to my Father's heart and to a heart adrift. It also reminds me how necessary God's love is. I've found grace and she's looking, maybe we're not so different.

It's all in the preparation. If I met the storms of life, both literally and figuratively, without the proper provision it could be a completely different outcome. I'm responsible to prepare accordingly. In our lives other's bare the effects of our preparation, they're counting on us.

What do you do to prepare for the tough spots and challenging people of life? What tools do you have in your survival kit?

Into The Heart Of A Generous God

$18! Eighteen dollars. I have eighteen dollars for Serbia. Eighteen dollars of blessing, that say yes, that say I believe!

On Tuesday I felt overwhelmed. I was doubting. I wanted to hyperventilate because I'm going to Serbia in October and I need $3,000 to go. I don't have $3,000. I was flinging up prayers to God, reminding him I was standing down here with my back up against the wall, reminding him he called me to go and anytime he was willing I was ready for him to provide. 

On Wednesday God was gently turning my attention away from the looming mountain and back to himself. I read Susie Larson's blog post "How Fear Get's In The Way of Freedom" which was, as usual, timely. Here's my response to her challenge to confidently put fear in it's place:

"Goodness knows I needed to be reminded not to fear! I was freaking out to my husband yesterday. "I thought God called me to Serbia, I have no money, when is he going to send the money!" Of course I know he uses circumstances to maximize our trust and satisfaction in him. Sometimes my heart just forgets. It's not the removal of the obstacle that takes away fear it's the awareness of God's goodness and power to act on our behalf. I was reading about Lazarus' resurrection last night. I was struck that Jesus purposefully allowed loss, a death, in his friend's lives for the greater good of his glory and their salvation. Stunning. I had never really looked at that passage from their vantage point of God's love delayed. It looked like Jesus' indifference had done them harm but of course it was an unexpected path to victory. I forget that my goal isn't really Serbia, my goal is the heart of God. That's where my satisfaction lies! Thank you for the reminder."

I've said before that I'm not afraid of going to Serbia, I'm really more afraid of not going. But fear is fear, and it's wrong. Deep breath. As I wrote that comment on Suzie Larson's blog post a lightning bolt hit and I remembered what I knew in the beginning of this journey. Serbia isn't really the goal, the heart of God is. Who doesn't want a quest, a holy grail, a fair maiden to rescue, a mountain to conquer, (insert cheesy example here), to help them know that life's worth living. But God reminded me Serbia's not my holy grail, HE is. Going to Serbia is about being invited into the heart of God, he is my great adventure. He's lavished me with love and then invited me to join him in lavishing it on others. And one thing I know is that when he calls us to love he also equips us to love.

So on Wednesday night before I went to bed I prayed, "God you multiplied just a few loaves and fishes and fed 5,000, I still need some loaves and fish, would you provide me with the loaves and fish you're going to multiply." My heart was confident and I rested knowing God has invited me into his love and he will provide all I need to join him in expressing it. The next day when Chris came home for lunch he told me to look in my Chip In account. I had been gifted with $18! A dear blog friend had believed and blessed.

I don't know why it wasn't $15 or $20 but rather $18; I'm glad it was! It is my loaves and fishes. A little boy's lunch. I trust that God will multiply that $18 and that it will become enough. I believe; because Serbia's not the point, the heart of God is and his heart is generous!

What path are you on that is taking you deeper into the heart of God?

(If you want to know more about my trip to Serbia and how to get involved go here)