Exercising my Heart

The journey into the heart of God, the great Adopter, hasn't been what I expected it to be. After the initial flame of desire to adopt, I'm realizing that the journey is deeper and more intense than I anticipated. It's not time to go and pick up a baby, it's not even time to fill out paperwork, or raise money. The seed of desire has been planted and is being watered. But right now I'm in the season of preparation; learning the value of discipline, trust, practice. I'm training to run a marathon of obedience. The passion is mounting and the cost is being counted, and recounted.

I had assumed the burden was enough. When will I learn that God's ways are not my ways. When will I learn it's all about the heart and my Father is intent upon reshaping mine. Hot passion burning deep must be tempered with discipline and self-control, wisdom and understanding, submission. Jumping before looking, while very Beck like, isn't Christ like.

Part of the journey is learning to look at global and personal pain and not look away; not change the channel, so to speak. Instead I bow my heart low and say "thank you for mercy," and then pray for Mercy to reach out to the broken ones my heart chooses to see. The ones he want's me to see, because seeing is better than turning away. Turning away atrophies my heart muscle, which I'm finding has less stamina than I first thought.


I also find myself at a place of questions. Questions that need to be asked, ones that expand my heart, and open me to Jesus voice. Questions like, "What are my comfort and relative wealth for? What is God's intent in that blessing? Is it purely for my enjoyment?" or "When I go to my final home, who else will I have shown the way? Will a homeless child have learned about home from me?" or "Is hedging my bets sin, is saving for retirement or even a rainy day what God intended for my money when people are hungry right this minute?" or "What kind of sacrifices, and I use that term loosely, would God have me make to free up money for the broken and wasted of this world?" or "What is my role in speaking for those with no voice?" or "When I see pain, how will I choose to respond?"

My new prayer is; God convict my heart, show me where I harbor selfishness, give me a heart like yours. The reflection in the mirror isn't pretty. It's amazing what can be hidden under the veneer of spirituality. It's amazing how I can make myself feel better about my selfishness by measuring my life with the measuring stick of this world, instead of holding my life up to the full measure of Jesus Christ. No it isn't pretty at all.

But I'm hopeful. Hopeful because I know the vision, the dream, to offer love to an orphaned child with Down syndrome originated with God. So as discouragement at times sets in, I practice. I learn to live an ordered, holy, submitted life. I swallow the bitter pill of conviction that leads to humility and sweet grace. My family is in the preparation phase, which can't be hurried. So I practice prayer, devotion, a renewed mind, repentance, mourning, love. I practice having a Jesus heart. And one day the seed planted there will grow and bloom.

What passion or vision has God laid on your heart. Maybe right now it's only a whisper. What can you do to prepare to live in that reality?

Nobody likes a spanking

"And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,
   “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
      and don’t give up when he corrects you.
   For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
      and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong." Hebrews 12:5-6, 11-13

Encouraging eh, ask any 7 year old if they feel encouraged after having been "instructed" in the ways of obedience with a spoon to the back side. May not be their first response. And yet I've seen in my 7 year old, Max, a surprising willingness to co-operate with our discipline lately. We're working on some areas of self-control at the moment, which have needed regular correction.

He's tired of the continued discipline I'm sure, I know I am. But I'm looking forward to "a peaceful harvest of right living" once he's been "trained". Right now the lack of training has resulted in a lack of peace for the whole household. In submitting to our discipline there is growth in his understanding of right behavior.

Isn't that true of us in the body of Christ. How we endure discipline, teaching, correcting affects the whole family. How we live our lives as trained, disciplined children of God affects the "weak and lame" who are following after us. If we're honest, which of us isn't weak or lame in some way, we need each other to be muscular, well trained Christians.

Are there areas of your life that have gone untrained, that God would like to correct as your Father? I know there are some in my life. Can you see how those area's affect those in your physical or spiritual family? I plan to spend time today asking God to reveal the spiritual flab in my life and then yield to him for training. Will you join me?

Self-control is a blessing

"Any person without self-control is either an accident looking for a place to happen or a slave in chains." (Beth Moore in Living Beyond Yourself)

"You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. " 1 Corinthians 6:12

In a culture of self-indulgence the fight for self-control can be an uphill battle. I've spent many years, sometimes without fully realizing it, trying to free myself from the chains of selfishness. I don't want to live like that anymore.

In my frenzy to write my novel I found studying this aspect of the fruit of the Spirit to be so timely. I would love to sit and write for hours and see real progress made in the completion of my story. But I have boxes to pack, kids to take care of, relationships to engage in. As I felt the tug of the novel becoming stronger, I knew it could overshadow everything else, I made the commitment to continue starting my day in Bible study. I'm glad I made that conscious decision, I need the grounding, and I believe it honors God. I think if it hadn't been a conscious decision, one from my heart, I would have been so tempted to wake up early and start the day writing.

I know that if I don't allow the Spirit to flow into my heart I won't have anything good flowing out. Healthy parameters and discipline facilitates that flow. So where do you need a fresh overflow of the Spirit in your life, guiding you in healthy boundaries and self-control?

Faithfulness displayed

So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. "Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Exodus 34:4-6.
I love that Moses went to meet God, he went early, he went in obedience and he was ready to take notes 'cause this was going to be important! When he climbed the mountain did he expect God to come down and stand there with him? Did he expect him to put his glory on display ("passed in front of Moses")? Did he expect God to not only tell him his name but define his nature? Do we?
Today I'm reveling in God's faithfulness. He is always true to his nature and he has revealed his nature to us. I'm not by nature faithful, but God is. There are messy, broken, hurting people all around me and I am one of them. It would be easy for me to worry about people I care about, friends, my children, my husband but I don't. Because he is "the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness" I trust him to always act according to his nature in the lives of those he loves. I get goose bumps reading the verses above; Holy God coming down to meet with lowly man, putting his glory on display, wow! Do I expect him to call out his name to me? I want to at least set the right conditions, making myself available in obedience and expectation. I believe I am witnessing him display his nature and character in the lives around me, in the body of Christ. I want a front row seat!
^"Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance."Exodus 34:8-9

Walking it out

For the last year God has been drawing my attention to the importance of living a more contemplative life. One that includes meditation, silence, solitude, confession, reflection, worship and prayer on a daily basis. On and off for the last year I've set my alarm anywhere from 5:00 to 6:30 in the morning to begin my day aligning my heart with God's. I've read books, or at least started ones, on practicing spiritual disciplines. Great classics and new takes on the deeper Christian life. The ancient books Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon and Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis have challenged me and enriched my pursuit of intimacy with Jesus. But one thing has stymied me over and over. She's short, has a limited grasp of the English language, big blue eyes and a very impatient temperament. At one point I was getting up at 6:00 to be with Jesus but I found that wasn't long enough before the children woke up, so I set my alarm earlier. But Miss Maggie woke up earlier too. I made sure I was tiptoeing, I stopped using the microwave to make a cup of tea, I didn't turn on lights until I got to the living room, I put my phone alarm under my pillow, none of it mattered she still wakes up a few minutes after I do. If I got up at 5:30 I found I typically got up to 45 minutes alone but not always sometimes it was just 20 minutes. I've tried to ignore her but there is something deeply unsatisfying about practicing the discipline of silence and meditation with the background noise of crib rails being shaken and a squeaky voice calling loudly, "Mom, MOM, MOMMMM! I know I can spend time in quiet reflection in the evening, I like to do both, but I find time in the morning with Jesus makes all the difference and I hate to give it up. This morning I told Max since they had gotten up early and interrupted my devotions he could listen to what I had been reading. I told him about Passover and it was a good opportunity for teaching. Still not time alone though. I look forward to the day when I've moved out of the early child rearing years and I'm able to focus more on practicing the spiritual disciplines. In the meantime I need to get creative in finding time alone and remember to include my kids in my own spiritual walk, teaching them to make pursuing God a priority in their lives also.

I would change myself first

The movie Amazing Grace is a story of William Wilberforce's life. In the movie one of his friends, the future Prime Minister, is discussing change in England. The war for America's independence is being fought. The abolition of slavery is being considered by some. Change is on the horizon for the country, it's leaders and it's people. Wilberforce says to his friend "[England] will soon change." And his young friend from parliament replies, "Only if we change it. You don't believe you and I could change things?" Wilberforce's response is, "I would change myself first."

Wilberforce in the eyes of some, especially the peers of his day, would be considered a dreamer and a fool. But certainly he was wiser than most. He knew that, in and of himself, he had nothing to offer the world without first being changed into what he was supposed to be. His fight against injustice was dictated and defined by God. Not by his feelings, though certainly they were stirred, or man's opinion. Even though he was at the forefront of the abolition of slavery in his time, something today's liberals and conservatives alike would champion, I don't think he would be popular at all today. The reason is his motivation. Freedom isn't something that one man bestows on another, it comes from God alone, the creator of man and his freedom. But what do you do with freedom when you remove God? Something to ponder.

We as a society, a nation, and our leaders would do well to remember, before we seek to change others we should first seek to change ourselves. Power corrupts quickly, if internal change isn't undertaken before it's acquired it can ruin a man. That's true from the top down, from the presidency to county commissioner. And leadership in the church is certainly no exception. So when you're asked to believe what someone says make sure it lines up with what they live. And we should certainly make sure that is true of ourselves as well. So let's seek first to change ourselves, it will have more affect than we know.

The Heart

Hearts. They are dangerous, messy, wild, unpredictable things. What are we to do with them? How can they ever be tamed, I know I can't curb mine on my own. I've been going through Colossians with my girls Life Group recently. Colossians 3:1-4 says "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." In the previous verses Paul talks about the rules and traditions we use that "lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." We need more than rules to tame our hearts, it's going to take something much bigger.

The key is death. That old ugly heart has got to die. We think sometimes, in the issue of salvation and faith, there is no price to pay, Christ paid it all. And certainly he did, but his invitation to us is death. We must share in his death on the cross. Until we die we can't live. It's something that happens once on the one hand, but then again, it has to happen daily too. I don't like dieing to myself, it hurts, my heart rebels, it doesn't want to be put to death. I lay it down on the altar, I bare it to his masterful touch, his surgeon hands, but I flinch, I want to jump up off of the altar.

It sounds so simple, but I've found the only way my heart is transformed, is "set on things above", is through significant time spent in the word, meditation and worship. I'm using Beth Moore's bible study 'A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place', it has been so timely. God's plan has always been to reach our hearts (thank you Jesus!) and this study points back to that. I've also been purposely not turning on the TV and setting aside quiet time at night to just be with Jesus, in his word, quieting my heart before him, worshiping him. I am so thankful for people and groups like Chris Tomlin, Third Day, Hillsong, Travis Cottrell, Selah and so many more for using the gifts God's given them to teach us and lead us in worship. Lately I almost always have worship music on, it changes me. It lifts my heart and mind to places 'above'.

To spend significant, life changing time with God though takes sacrifice, discipline, commitment. One of the problems we as Christians have with taming our hearts is that we live in a culture that pampers and indulges the heart. We, as a culture, deny ourselves nothing. Righteousness, holiness doesn't come without a price. But what do we gain in return? Everything! Col. 3:4 "When Christ, who is your life (your heart) appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Glory! He's so generous. He asks us to die, but to what? Immorality, greed, selfishness, fear, bitterness. It's hard, certainly, but what does he offer us in return for our broken, black hearts? His own! His glory, his life, power, love, freedom, peace! Have you ever known anyone so generous?! So I dare you, let's do it, what do we have to lose, let's die! And in dieing we'll live!