Random Maggieness and a fish

New shoes!

Maggie in her princess cowgirl duds. She's wearing Max's cowboy vest, a tutu and Daddy's belt!

Maggie 'coloring' with markers!

Precious pigtails!

Maggie feeding herself, big girl! She actually does a pretty good job.

Our new beta fish. Max named him Mac, he's pretty cool.

Miss Maggie is growing by leaps and bounds! She likes to 'talk' on the phone, an old cell phone I gave her. She insists on feeding herself, and while incredibly messy she's pretty adorable. She actually gets a good bit of food to her mouth with a spoon! She loves wearing Max's shoes and clothes and pretty much imitating anything big brother does! She is adventurous, more so than her brother was, and mechanically inclined. Max is our vocal, emotional one, Maggie likes to explore and figure out how things work. She gets into things more than Max ever did. It's hard to believe she's a toddler, a baby no longer. As much as I hate to leave the baby stage so quickly I love watching her grow and develop. What a joy to see her blossom into her own special person!

Rooted

Jesus... tonight I want, I need, him to fill my mind. I'm resting, listening to worship music, I feel cocooned in his presence. Everything I know about his goodness, strength, kindness, glory I want to soak my roots deep down into. There comes a time when we've heard about him, we've sung about him, talked about him and then it's time to put it to the test. Either he is a sacred refuge, his kingdom is unshakable, he is a merciful redeemer or he's not. Tonight I want him to be a burning holy fire in my life, consuming my doubt and weakness. Look at the above picture of that amazing tree. It's roots are sunk deep into the rich Virginia soil, it's soaring branches reach out to the sun. I want to be like that. I want to be green with life, solid and strong. I want my roots to go down deep into the soil of God's love, I want to drink deeply of his supply and be satisfied. I want to stretch my hands up to heaven, reaching for my true home. I want to turn my face adoringly to the source of light. Even when storms, drought, pestilence comes that tree is strong and resilient. I pray that I will be like the righteous man in Psalm 1:3, "He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

Tangled

Broken tangled heap, barbed, rusty mess. Useless. Hearts lying in disrepair, hidden, hurting. Encountering people, children who are broken, tangled, messy challenges me. Little ones, barefoot, soiled, wasted by loved ones, by the world. I don't understand. I don't like brushing up against poverty, I resent ignorance. I like things neat and useful. I like people I can understand. Nice, clean, tidy people. I like to pretend I am one...

Jesus' eyes pierce, reveal, hold answers. He's not put off by messy. Thank heaven. He delights in challenge, chance to show his power, time for glory. I straighten, tuck, clean the rooms of my heart. Puff of wind and the card house falls. Eyes raise, meeting his. Questions forgotten, answers found in his face, The Answer, The Face. Hopeless people, scary people, secrets locked in wounded hearts. I see broken mess, cast aside and useless he sees... he sees... I don't know, I can't understand. Promise.Mess made straight. Promise of wounds healed, chains loosed. Freedom. Do I hope in the promise? Find comfort in the promise? Extend the promise? To me, to others? Oh, God help me. I want to see beauty behind angry eyes. I want to see fear turn to love right before me. Reaching out to take a marred, quivering world by the hand scares me. Turn my fears into bold belief, Heart Tamer. "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

The fruit of discipline

This last week has been a doozey! VBS was all consuming and took over most of my focus for the week. I've missed my routine and am so looking forward to being back in the order of it once again. I tried to continue my regular prayer and bible study but was not completely successful and I am beginning to feel the effect of it.

I posted a few weeks ago about a spiritual challenge of disciplined prayer I had entered into. In the midst of that process God has taught me so much about the value of the spiritual disciplines. The Spirit's fruit of self-control is not the same as being a controlling person or 'control freak'. The source, motivation and results of the fruit of self-control are different than natural human control. I'm afraid we as a society are given more to self indulgence than self control. I'm afraid also that that tendency has crept into the church as well.

Anyhow, I'm coming to understand that times of experiencing God's presence, times of deep personal growth, times of incredible life change as a person or corporate body don't come without ground work. So often I think we as Christians spend a few minutes flinging prayers out at God, a few minutes reading a few verses in the Bible and we expect results. We expect deliverance from depression, we expect to know God's will, we expect to feel joy, to be able to control our temper, lose weight, be successful in relationships, kick a habit. That kind of life change and victory takes actual concentrated focus and work. It takes discipline. But the results are worth it. The results are a life focused on God and not ourselves, the result is a muscular Christian.

Not that I'm saying spiritual discipline is something we can do in our own power. Self-control is a fruit that comes from the Spirit. A life of discipline, of self denial, of practicing spirituality comes from first of all yielding to the Holy Spirit. He works out the change in us but we are willing participants.

This week I experienced some of the fruit of having been disciplined in my prayer and bible study in the weeks leading up to this last busy week of VBS. I found that I was more prepared to handle the things I had to deal with, I had a spiritual reserve to draw from. I also experienced contentment and joy in the midst of situations and fatigue that normally would have made me cranky and critical. It's true that by the end of the week and after a weekend of a sick child it was beginning to take it's toll. But today I find myself eager to put it behind me and get back in the saddle again. Instead of 'veg' for a few days and just let things slide I'm eager to focus my eyes back on his face. I'm desiring to get back to that hard work of spiritual training.

So far I have to say the biggest result of my 40 days of prayer has been change in myself. I'm still hopeful and believing I will see answers to big prayers. But I'm aware that my will is changing it's shape to that of God's as I pray and if nothing else comes of it, that's enough and pretty miraculous in and of itself.