Eyes on Jesus

Old church steeple, Novi Sad

Ever since I left Serbia words have clogged near the surface refusing to get in line and pour out, refusing to be ordered and typed. I've written posts but not one of them has satisfied me, each one has felt incomplete.

Perhaps it's because my foot stepped onto American soil and my mind started racing and I was ready to act. But every idea, every plan, and I have lots of them, has felt forced, like picking an apple while it's green.

So this weekend I stopped, turned around and faced God and re-prayed the prayer that started it all. "I went and saw God, I obeyed, now remind me what you love, what breaks your heart, what moves you? What are you doing about it? Give me a taste, let me be a part of your plan."

I wear Serbia like a wound in my heart, like a wedding band, she's an altar for me to lay down and die on. Her people live at the forefront of my mind. When I sing of God's redemption and power I raise my hands and they're full, full of beating hearts, full of lonely lives, full of broken dreams, Serbia's children.

Today God reminded me it's his work to do. I've spun my wheels and my dreams in the last couple of weeks wanting to save, to not disappoint. But when has salvation ever disappointed and salvation doesn't belong to me. I'm reminded I went to see God's glory, his mercy on display, and I did.

I hope. One day I hope I will go back, I hope to be a part of real action to meet need with ongoing love and support, I hope to speak truth and see a harvest, I hope to be a part of the story of God's love for a nation, I hope to be engaged in relationship.

Regardless of what role God allows me to play one thing I'm confident of is God's action. He is loving people around the world, stretching out his banner of mercy, calling out come home. I link hands across the ocean with my brothers and sisters in Serbia in worship to our Father and we intercede for the lost to be saved.

It will take real restraint not to make plans yet, I have so many ideas, but I'm laying it all down at Jesus feet and looking to him for direction. I have no doubt he will lead me, just like he has before, who would ever have thought I would travel to Serbia in the first place! But I'm not going to step out ahead of him. I'm still waiting to hear the voice of Mercy. In the meantime I'll be interceding, listening, staying in contact with my new friends, and funneling monetary support through the right channels as it's offered. But I'm waiting in a posture of prayer for direction before I commit to any permanent action.

I also feel like it's time to finish my novel and publish it before I make new plans. So you may hear less about Serbia as I pray, or you may hear more, it's hard to say! If you are led to do so will you join with me in praying? Pray that God will make his plan clear to those of us who are called to act, pray for the church of Serbia to grow in influence and love, pray for the little ones who wait, pray for the people of Serbia to respond to God's mercy. As I wait I'll turn my eyes to Jesus and watch for what he's about to do. 

Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,

    whose hope is in the Lord their God.

He is the Maker of heaven and earth,

    the sea, and everything in them—

    he remains faithful forever.

He upholds the cause of the oppressed

    and gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets prisoners free, 

    the Lord gives sight to the blind,

the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,

    the Lord loves the righteous. 

The Lord watches over the foreigner

    and sustains the fatherless and the widow,

    but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

Psalm 146:5-9