Servanthood

I have to confess I struggle a lot with living the life of a servant. Anyone else with me in this struggle? I have this amazing knack to turn absolutely anything into something about me, just ask my husband, even when it's not. God has been teaching me lately that he is always at work and I have an open invitation to join him. The catch is that I have to adjust my life to fit his plans to join that work. I also have to join him as a servant. Ouch, that hurts my pride more than I realized. Isn't that ridiculous, as if I know better than the Almighty, ever existing God of the universe. The God who tells Job, "Everything under heaven is mine"! Honestly I think my problem is that I want recognition, I think it's a sickness inherited generationally, probably all the way back from the original parents in Eden. As if I think one prayer I pray, one kindness done, one truth told could have any effect without Jesus infusing each act with his power. I think for a few days that I'm chugging along great, loving Jesus, ingesting his word, sitting at his feet and then bam I trip over my own pride. I get a bloody nose and scraped hands to remind me he's the parent, I'm the child; he's the leader, I'm the follower; he's the source, I'm the receiver. His faithfulness once again relied upon and needed, I'm thankful. Will it always be this way? I hope my journey begins resembling a train ride in a steady direction instead of a jolting roller coaster, I don't like roller coasters. I know I'm just like Peter, if I kept my eyes locked firmly on Jesus I could glide across the water, but more often than not I notice the waves and splash. And if my eyes stayed on Jesus what would I see? The perfect Servant; humble, gentle, faithful.

"Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal's death on a cross. Because of this, God raised him up to the heights of heaven and gave him a name that is above every other name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:5-11